#wow mari’s not mentioned a lot here...

[fadedin2u]

big flirt!

MDNI 18+

summary: your friends force you to go out to a gay bar with them, and ellie buys you a drink.

content/tw: alcohol mention, subtop!ellie, slightly dom/switch!reader, reader and ellie are both drunk, face sitting(r!receiving), tribbing, strap-on(r!recieving), reader is called “girl” once or twice, afab!reader, reader is neither masc nor fem, college!ellie and reader, astrophysics major!ellie

notes: i left the ending written in away that i might add another part to this fic! lmk if u want that lol

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

“hey, 6 o’clock, there’s a certified hottie staring at you-“ one of your well-meaning friends tells you, motioning (not very) discreetly behind you.

you turn around and your jaw nearly drops. the girl staring at you is stunning, with her dark auburn hair and flannel worn over a wife-beater, sitting at the bar and sipping her drink. you make eye contact with her momentarily, and turn back to your friend, mary, with wide eyes.

mary laughs, “are you gonna go for it?”

your friends had forced you to go out to this gay bar with the intention of meeting new people after a break up that left you a complete wreck. it’d been about 3 months since your ex broke the news that they weren’t in love with you anymore, and it made any kind of romantic prospects leave a bitter taste in your mouth till this day. not to mention, you’re wayyy too drunk at this point to be on your A-game with flirting. you make a face and mary groans.

“come on, dude! she’s gorgeous, clearly interested, what else could you ask for?”

you make another face, “just because she’s staring doesn’t mean that she’s necessarily interested-“

“how about if she’s walking over to you right now? does that make her interested?”

you hear someone clear their throat behind you, and you give mary a murderous look before turning to the stranger with a smile.

she gives you a slightly awkward smile in return, “hey. i, um, i’m sorry if this is forward, but could i buy you a drink?”

your stomach is absolutely in knots, but you nod. “yeah, i’d love that.”

the stranger gives you a relieved smile in return, extending her hand to you, “i’m ellie. what’s your drink?”

you give her your name, “-and just a rum and coke, thank you so much.”

ellie’s clearly pretty drunk as well, which makes you feel a little better. she leads you back over to the spot at the bar she was sitting at, giving you her hand to help as you hop onto the excessively tall bar seats. she gives the bar tender your drink order and orders another whiskey on the rocks for herself.

“so, do you come to this bar a lot?” you ask, and inwardly cringe at yourself. ‘i basically just asked “so, you come here often?” great.’

ellie makes a so-so motion with her hand, “sometimes, not very often though. i study astrophysics so i don’t usually have the free time to deal with a hangover.”

your eyebrows raise and your drunk brain speaks before you think, “wow, smart girl.”

ellie’s cheeks flush a little, and she looks down, “i don’t know about that, but i’m really passionate about it, which is more than half the battle, i think.”

you scoff, “please, you’re literally studying rocket science. you can’t convince me that you’re not smart now.”

ellie laughs a little, “okay, then i’ll just shut up and take the compliment. thank you.”

the bar tender gives you two your drinks and ellie takes a sip of her own, “so, what do you do?”

you take a sip of your own drink, “i’m a student right now too, i’m actually studying-“

suddenly, you hear a familiar beat in the background, and you stop talking, a (likely goofy) smile growing on your face, “oh my god, i fucking love this song. nicki minaj literally cannot miss.”

ellie laughs brightly at that, raising an eyebrow, “i absolutely fucking agree. do you wanna dance?”

“really?”

ellie nods, taking a large gulp of her whiskey, “for sure. i couldn’t live with myself knowing i cheated a pretty girl like you out of a dance break.”

you giggle and nod, chugging the rest of your drink faster than you probably should. ellie takes your hand and leads you out the the dance floor where there’s a large crowd of people dancing together. you pull ellie against you, your actions emboldened by the alcohol in your system. ellie immediately goes to hold on your hips, your bodies moving against each other.

you don’t really think to much about how you’re dancing, just letting your body move how it wants to. before you even realize what you’re doing, you’ve turned around in ellie’s hold, grinding your ass back against her hips. when you realize what’s happening, you nearly stop, but when you feel the tight grip of ellie’s hands on your hips and the way she’s grinding back into you, you relax. you stand back up straight, and wrap your arm up and behind you, holding onto the back of ellie’s head, which is now tucked against your neck. when you feel her lips against your jugular, you inhale sharply, pressing more into her.

you feel her kisses trail down to your shoulder, and you thank your good luck for deciding to wear a tank top. you feel her pelvis digging into your ass, and you can’t be sure because the music is so loud, but you swear you hear her moan.

you turn back around in her arms, and before either of you realize what’s happening, you’re locked into a heated kiss. your arms wrap around her neck, and one of her hands sneaks down from your hips to squeeze your ass. you moan into her mouth, and she takes the opportunity for her tongue to explore your mouth. when you separate, you’re both panting.

“wanna get an uber back to mine?” she asks loudly over the blasting music, and you nod right away.

——

the uber driver for the ride back will likely leave ellie with a low rating, thanks to the two of you not being able to detach your mouths from each other for longer than 5 seconds, but you two eventually make it back to ellie’s apartment.

once you’re in her bathroom, you push her back onto her bed between kisses and straddle her. she kisses your neck and chest, pushing your tank top up. you take it off for her and you’re left in your bra. ellie grins and starts kissing the exposed parts of your breasts.

“god, you’re so fucking pretty-“ ellie says as she takes off your bra, immediately latching onto one of your nipples. you moan softly and hold onto her head, your fingers threading through her hair.

you feel her warm tongue smooth over the hardened bud before switching to the other to give it the same attention. as she does, her hands come up to squeeze your tits. she’s still sucking and nipping gently as she looks up at you, her doe eyes stirring the heat in your belly. when she unlatches; her lips are a little swollen and wet with saliva.

“what am i allowed to do? what do you need?” ellie asks, smoothing her hands down your waist and hips.

you shiver slightly, “anything.”

ellie starts kissing your neck again, sucking a hickey into the crook of your neck, “you’re gonna need to be more detailed then that, doll.”

you bite your lip, your tipsy brain racing, “i need you to fuck me.”

ellie pulls back, a wide grin growing on her face, and she kisses your collarbone. “jesus christ, i’d fucking love too… can you sit on my face first?”

your exhale sharply and nod. ellie lies back on the bed and you slide off ellie, kicking off your jeans, leaving your underwear on, before crawling back up ellie’s body.

ellie grips your thighs as you position yourself over her face. “fuck, you smell good… you this wet for me, babe?”

you nod again, your cheeks hot.

her smile is a little cocky as she looks up at your face, and licks over the wet fabric of your underwear. your legs jolt a little and you let out a shaky breath.

ellie shoves her face further between your legs, and you swear you hear her whimper. she pulls your underwear to the side, and licks a broad stripe up your cunt.

you moan, your eyes falling shut as you hold onto her headboard.

she pulls back, “i said sit on my face, babe, not hover-“

ellie’s hands pull on your thighs so you rest your weight on her face fully. ellie becomes borderline ravenous, her tongue lapping at your pussy, slurping you up as her fingers dig into the fat of your ass and thighs.

you bite on your fist to muffle your loud moans, but ellie will have none of that, her arm reaching up to pull yours away from your face.

after a moment, ellie sticks her tongue fully out, letting you rub your clit against it as you please. your breaths become more and more unsteady.

ellie’s hands on your ass help guide your hips, and when she moves to suck on your clit, the suction makes your orgasm hit you like a freight train, bucking your hips against ellie’s face.

when you’ve come down, ellie helps you off of your face, and rummages through her drawer to grab her strap.

you stop her, your hand against her chest, “i wanna feel you against me first.”

ellie doesn’t need to hear anymore, and quickly starts taking off her clothes as you take off your underwear. she moves so she’s on top of you, hiking one of your legs over her shoulder. the moment her wet cunt grinds into yours, you both moan, your eyes rolling back into your head.

“you feel so fucking perfect, so fuckin good for me-“ she rambles

ellie starts thrusting her hips against yours, and you watch her small, perky tits bounce with each movement. your hand trails up to squeeze one of them and she whimpers softly. when you pinch her nipple between your fingers, she moans gutturally and moves against you faster. you’re not at all in control of how loud you’re moaning at this point.

“look at you, sweet girl, so fucking gorgeous-“

it isn’t long before your oversensitive clit is being brought closer to another orgasm. you make obscene noises as you cum again, ellie’s eyes trained on your face the whole time.

“there you go- let me cum all over that pretty- ah, fucking- mmmh, pussy-“ ellie grunts before cumming a few moments after you.

you both take about 5 seconds to recover before she’s scrambling to grab the strap. once ellie has it on, you lick your lips, staring at it.

“can i ride it?”

ellie’s eyes go big, and she basically throws herself onto the bed, lying back and patting her thigh.

you giggle and climb on top of her, kissing her lips again. she kisses you back eagerly, grabbing your hips and thrusting her hips up, but you pull back.

“nope. hands off and stay still.” you order, and her already very dilated eyes look like pools of black at this point. she nods, biting her lip.

you take the strap and run the tip of it through your folds. ellie whines as she watches this, her hips bucking a little with her fists clenching the sheets below her.

“hey, what did i just say?” you ask, a mischievous smile on your face.

she takes a shaky breath, “sorry.”

you laugh a little, “so needy, ellie.”

you make eye contact with her as your hand travels down your own body, taking the time to squeeze and play with your own breasts. meanwhile, ellie looks like she’s practically salivating.

your hand travels down your stomach to your cunt, rubbing your own clit for a second as ellie watches, her mouth agape.

your fingers spread your folds and dip inside you for a moment, curling up and making you moan.

ellie is desperate at this point, “please, jesus fucking christ, i need you so bad, you don’t under-“

you withdraw your fingers, giving ellie a look. “hmmm… sounds like you need something to keep that mouth of yours busy, huh?”

you bring your slick-covered fingers up to her mouth. “open.”

ellie immediately opens her mouth and starts sucking off your fingers, whimpers muffled.

you giggle, “awww, you’re too fucking cute… now keep sucking on those, yeah?”

without warning, you sink down onto ellie’s strap and start bouncing. ellie whines, her eyes fixated on your tits as they bounce with you, still eagerly sucking on your fingers. ellie’s eyes fall shut for a moment as the base of the harness gives her clit the friction she’s craving.

you keep bouncing on her strap, watching the fucked out glaze in ellie’s eyes, half-lidded and fully dilated.

“awww… you just needed to get fucked, that’s all… look how pretty you are…” you tease and ellie starts whimpering like she’s gonna come from your words alone.

after a few minutes, you start to tire and you take out the fingers in her mouth, slowing down, “now, fuck me like you mean it, ellie.”

those words are all the permission ellie need before flipping you over and drilling her hips into yours.

“-pussy’s so fuckin- fuck, so fuckin’ tight for me, babe-“ ellie whimpers, tucking her face into your neck.

you would find it more amusing that ellie is acting like this strap is physically attached to her if she wasn’t making you feel so fucking good. you cling onto her as she fucks you, slamming into you just right, over and over.

“i need to cum, please let me cum- i can’t fucking-“ ellie rambles, and you cut her off

“i’m close too, baby, it’s okay-“ you pant, your eyes clenching shut as she fucks you into your third orgasm.

ellie’s hips bottom out and she grinds herself deep into you as she cums against the base of the harness, her moans needy and breathy.

when you both start coming down, she pulls out and tosses the strap away wordlessly, going back to cuddle against you.

you’re completely exhausted (and both of you still slightly drunk) as you let her spoon you, barely saying anything before slipping into a deep sleep.

———

“so you just… left? without even saying goodbye?” mary asks over the phone as you walk into the music building on your college campus, lugging your beat up guitar with you.

“what was i supposed to do? make her breakfast and thank her for the 3 orgasms?” you ask, holding the door open for a girl running in behind you.

the girl gives you a look and your face gets hot, realizing she overheard what you said.

“i mean… maybe? she was super hot,” mary responds, slightly agitated

you groan, “yeah, she was hot, but i barely learned anything about her and we were both drunk. not necessarily promising grounds for a budding relationship.”

you walk up the steps to the room you’re headed to, checking your phone again for the right room number.

“yeah, but still. she seemed like she would be cool,” mary justifies and you sigh.

“well, if i ever see her again while we’re not drunk and horny, maybe i’ll ask her out. but right now, that’s really not a priority.” you say, finding the right practice room.

mary starts to talk again but you interrupt her, “i’m sorry, mary, but i have to go.”

“wait, why? i know you don’t have class right now.”

“i’m taking those private guitar lessons to satisfy that extracurricular credit, remember? it’s my first lesson, so i really don’t wanna be late,“ you say, and mary sighs.

“okay, whatever. have fun, and i’ll talk to you after?”

you agree and end the phone call, looking to check the room number again before you walk in.

your forced, ‘make a good impression’ smile is immediately wiped off your face when you see the familiar auburnette playing the guitar in front of you.

she looks up at you and her cheeks go red almost instantaneously.

you say, “sorry, i must be in the wrong room- i have a lesson-“

ellie’s eyebrows raise and she lets out a slow sigh, “you, uh, you have a lesson?”

you nod, gripping your guitar case.

ellie laughs a little, like this is some sort of prank that was pulled on her:

“then you’re in the right room, because i’m pretty sure i’m supposed to teach you guitar this semester.”

you sharply exhale the breath you were holding in as the realization of what’s going on sets in, “but… you’re an astrophysics major?”

ellie chuckles again, “and a music minor, babe.”

you restrain the groan that you desperately want to make, your stomach sinking.

ellie pats the empty seat next to her, “well… let’s get started then. you know any bar chords yet?”

[perpetuallydaydreaming]

will you marry me?

5 times remus has asked you to marry him and 1 extra.

tags: remus lupin x f!reader,, fluff,, angst,, no mention of the word y/n,, childhood friends to lovers,, mutual pining,, character death

first time at 5 years old;

your eldest sister was off to marry in spring and so naturally the whole house was buzzing with excitement and terror. and you, like any impressionable child, felt the tingles of something exciting happening before your very eyes.

lulu, your best ultimate mate as you so graciously dubbed him, felt this energy too.

or at least the many flowers and coloured envelopes scattered on the table, seem to ring some alarms for him.

“this table is too small,” he frowns, stopping his pretend chopping of the leaves, and looking longingly at the dinner table, filled with scattered wedding paraphernalia.

you shrugged, ponytail swishing as you move around him.

“we have to make room, my sister is to be mary.” you confidently repeated what your mum said to you in the morning. when you had whined at the lack of play space.

now you’re humming like it’s obvious, why you were given a child’s table and now have to play kitchen with one pot instead of four because of the lack of space. the confident pretence of a child to show they’re mature enough not to complain.

“why does she have to be mary?” he asks, his shoulder bumping into you, “i thought she likes her name hilda?”

you scoff, clearly lulu does not know of the way of being mary. so naturally, you being older (by a few months) needs to teach him. or else, however is he going to be a proper grown up?

“because she wants to be a wife. so she has to be mary first.”

“a wife?” he asks intrigued, “like mummy and daddy?”

you laugh, patting his head, “only mummies can be a wife, silly. daddies are hus-butts.” you stood straighter, having this conversation with your mum before. “mother says, you have to love first and then be a mary. so you can play with them even after dinner and eat chocolates and make children.”

he seems to perk up even more, looking at you. his eyes as usual, gleaming with obvious awe, “to make children? with what?”

you pout, having no answer.

you haven’t asked your mum this question yet. too busy thinking of how many mary’s there are in your town.

still, you try to think of an answer.

you don’t want to let lulu down, you are after all his only hope for knowing things.

luckily, you’ve overheard this one conversation last week, your sister moving after she becomes mary so they can begin making a family.

you raise your head, hand on your hip and your other pointed as if in a lecture.

you said in your most confident voice. “you enter specific rooms in the house, and always make sure it’s locked. and then you wait until you can come out with children. but you must only do this if you love them. that is the ultimate rule. or else it won’t work.”

“wow,” he breathed, he clenched his fists then, looking utmost determined. before screaming in glee and confidence, the only way a naive child could. “then let’s make children! be mary and then we can play all night!”

you clicked your tongue, disappointed he hadn’t comprehended. “but you should love me first.”

his cheeks heated pink, indignant, “but i do. i love you a whole lot! and i wanna play here all the time.”

you shook your head, grim. “we can’t.” sounding so heartbroken, as much as any five year old could sound.

because you’ve already asked your mum if you could make children with lulu and she said, you’re only suppose to do that if you’re a grown up in love.

you asked, what’s the difference? you were plenty grown. 5 is one hand after all.

and your sister said to you, amusement lacing her words, a grown up to take care of you and cherish you. someone able to help you and grow with you.

you look at lulu. his thin arms and his lack of knowledge.

certainly not a grown up. not a proper man who can be with you, at all.

��i don’t love you, so we can’t.” you say this huffing, now turning completely to your make shift pot and stirring the water and leaves.

lulu cried loud that day, wailing like a little kid.

and nodding to yourself knowing you’ve made the right choice. he is so not a grown up. even if his pinched face made you feel queasy.

your mum rushing over and asking what was wrong. when you told her, she laughed out loud, and hugged you both, brushing remus’ hair out of his tear streaked face.

and you wonder what was so funny when he looked so sad.

second time at 11 years old;

remy was horrified.

you realize this as he stares at you in a crazed panic. and as always, it was up to you to be strong.

“what do you mean by that?” puffing your chest out and stood to cover remy from potter.

“didn’t you know? kissing makes girls pregnant.” he whispered, loudly in the empty halls, scandalized as he went to look at your stomach as if it will inflate this instant.

you fight the urge to cover that area with your robes. willing yourself to be brave for the both of you.

“surely… that isn’t true.”

potter scoffs, offended to have been doubted, “yes it is, i heard a prefect say so.”

you feel remy grab the back of your robes in panic. the reference enough to persuade him. you almost roll your eyes, but instead sighed to calm yourself down.

“i ought to tell you lot to be careful.” potter looked at the both of you meaningfully, and inhaling sharply as a flash of embarrassment burns into your brain.

you weren’t able to will the heat of your cheeks to dissipate, before it showed on your cheeks. your face and neck warmed red. mortified that potter knows the secret kiss shared between you and your friend, currently pulling at your robes.

it was both of your first kiss, deciding to just get it all over with, so you both can know what was so special about it.

it wasn’t much.

it felt soft, and quick.

nothing at all sparkling or romantic, like others said.

“alert your parents immediately, else you might be kicked out. and i’ve grown quite fond of the two of you, you know.” potter nodded at you, looking as if he pitied you both before crossing his arms as he strutted away.

you look at remy fully now. he was standing too close and still holding unto your robes like a lifeline.

“did you really have to tell potter of all people what we did?” you scoff, crossing your arms and tapping your feet like how your mother used to do it when she was cross with something.

he seemed to shrink into himself more, “i’m sorry, he said he saw it, and pestered me into confessing.” he bit his lips to bleed. “i didn’t know you were gonna be in trouble.” he sniffled.

and you immediately cooled, reaching forward and pulling at his chin to stop his assault and softly rubbing at his bleeding lips with your robes with another click of your tongue.

“it’s fine, he already saw, nothing else we can do.”

“so, what are we going to do now?” he asked softly, he looked at you, eyes filling with worry and sadness. “what if you are? we’ll get in trouble, won’t we?”

you bring down your arm now, before breathing out deeply.

you try to think of why it wouldn’t be true, but the tone of his voice was making you worry endlessly too.

even though you know it wasn’t all true, because your sister kissed her husband plenty of times in the house and they don’t have kids.

and you were about to point that out to him. to reassure your ever warm, too soft friend, that james potter was full of it and to relax.

but remy stood straighter, his cold hands gripping yours tightly, so much that it hurts. now standing a bit taller than you. pink lips pulled into a straight line and eyes looking straight at you. soft brown eyes no longer holding any worry, instead with resolute determination.

“marry me,” he said, “i promise to look after our children and work.” he nodded at you, as if urging you to say yes. to trust him.

a look entirely different from what you remembered from way before, yet feeling all the same regardless.

the reason of proposal was ridiculous in of itself that you couldn’t help but laugh.

“i’m not pregnant you dolt, pregnancy doesn’t work that way. i assure you.” rolling your eyes in amusement. “so don’t you go proposing like some weirdo.”

he stopped for a second, as if startled as he kept looking at you. before leaving a shaky sigh, head hanging low.

“okay,” his lips in a wobbly smile, looking weird. “good.”

third time at 17 years old;

sirius had managed to sneak in a case of firewhisky in one winning after-party in the common room.

it was safe to assume that everyone was positively sloshed. if judging from the slurring exclaims from james and a red face peter barely able to stand and sirius laughing maniacally at something marlene has said to him.

and remus being the self-appointed responsible one, had taken it upon himself to maintain sobriety the entire night. to look after the three of them in the aftermath.

resolutely sitting next to you the whole night, engaging in a missed conversation about gossip and literature.

“still feeling confident you can handle these three blokes up in your room?”

he grimaced, already rubbing his temples, probably from regret and the james’ incessant off-key singing. “i don’t really have much of a choice now, do i?”

you laugh easy, “with the way james is attempting to strip, i think not. you did volunteer, taking responsibility and what not.”

he sighed rather audibly, over the soft music of the party that was already dying down. most of the attendees already settling into their respective rooms.

and you look at remus, slumped into the chair, and laugh to yourself.

still so helpless, you think. you guess you had to step up again. pick up the slack a little bit.

you try to trick yourself into thinking you were tired and miffed about it, but you find you quite like feeling needed. especially by remus.

whom of which seems to be way into being responsible now and being a proper grown up. one that follows curfew and plans his day.

he barely looks at you for help anymore.

he always has an answer to questions now.

as the boys depend on him for being the responsible one in their little foursome.

off to late night adventures and pranks. no longer the crying, awe struck, nervous kid you grew up knowing. makes you feel kind of sad.

“alright then,” you exhaled, “i’ll lend you a hand for dealing with the demons.” you stood up whilst downing your drink, a sweet concoction by dorcas.

he looks up at you, eyes looking bloodshot and tired. he softly shook his head, “you don’t have to.”

you frown, clicking your tongue and placing a hand on each of your hips. “i said i’ll do it, so i’m going to. now stand up and let’s go.”

he looked at you just a second longer and sighs looking away, a soft smile etched on lips before looking at you again. looking won over.

standing up, dusting the invisible dirt on his trousers and nodding.

he towers over you now, seemingly out of no where.

you realize this as your neck strain looking up at him. as you gather the rowdy, intoxicated boys back to the dorms.

something sirius was extremely grateful for and the others echoed.

“thanks for— for taking care of me darling,” sirius breathed hot into your face before pecking you on the cheek.

“yes, you’re very welcome,” you hummed amused, tucking his covers into his sides, making sure he couldn’t move out of bed.

sirius giggles, “it feels like being tucked in by a mum,” before looking at you serious, eyes wide and looking more sober than he actually was, as if realizing something.

“you’re the mum in the group!” he exclaimed.

“im the what?”

james overhears this and exclaims his agreements.

“oh you are! you’re the perfect mum size!” james said.

you turn to him, “and what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask hotly.

“you’re very caring and mum-like, and you scold like a mum too, sometimes you even talk like one,” peter mumbled.

you look at remus, giving you an amused look, lips stretching like close to laughing.

“this is going to be the last time i’m helping you lot, if you call me mum one more time.” you threatened lightly.

sirius hums loud like he doesn’t believe you, “it’s not all bad, not like you’re gonna be a single-mum. remus is gonna be the dad after all.” he said like he was so sure.

and james, of ourse, echoed his agreements.

“obviously,” james tutted from his bed, tucked in tight by remus.

“yesh,” peter slurred, “he looks like—remus looks like he knows how to read maps.” he breathes out, like on a verge of sleeping.

james gasps, “he does! remus is a map reading dad, nothing has made more sense than this moment right here. you are meant to hold a map in your hands remus, you’re a daddy compass.”

remus looks perturbed, eyebrows scrunched and lips into a tight frown. he shakes his head then, before closing each of their curtains, not even bothering to justify james’ quip. “night lads,”

“night dad,” sirius teased from his bed, before shuddering excessively, “never thought i’d say that again.”

you snort out a laugh before you could help it. “good night everyone.”

you look at remus, and see him gesture to come outside.

quietly walking out of their room and closing the door behind you.

“come, i’ll walk you out.” grabbing your hand softly and pulling you down the corridor to the stairs. dropping his hold just as quick as if he hadn’t meant to hold it in the first place.

“sorry about the lads, the lack of filter is unfortunately not the effect of alcohol but is just them naturally.”

you chuckle softly, rubbing your tingling palms on the side of your skirt.

as if you didn’t know that already. those three have already been a staple into your everyday life for majority of the year. they, quite frankly, grow on you like some persistent vine on a house.

“it’s fine, it was quite tame compared to the usual rubbish they spew most of the time.”

remus looks at you, barely able to hide the smirk emerging from his lips.

“don’t tell me you liked them calling you mum?” the teasing lilt in his voice impossible to miss.

you lightly push on his shoulders. “don’t be disgusting, being called their mum is weird enough. and you implying i like it just makes it even weirder.”

“well imagine being called daddy compass by one of your mates, it’s gonna be hard looking at james tomorrow morning i’ll tell you that.”

you laugh excessively loud at this, before covering your mouth sheepish as you remember the time.

you look over at him, up and down as if assessing, “but you do look like a dad who knows how to read maps. wears khakis all the time and has a moustache.”

he rolls his eyes at you, as you grin in mirth, “well does that mean you’ll do me the honours of marrying me to avoid the life of a single parent to three demon boys?”

you laugh, shaking your head, “not exactly selling your case to me, are you?”

“won’t you reconsider though?” he moans, like he’s pained but you see the glint in his eyes even in the dark dorm room stairs. “it is after all for the children.”

you know he’s joking, hardly a night of partying counts as anything like a proper proposal.

but your brain can’t help but supply the thought that he looked quite fuller now. arms looking sturdier, and harder. he is acting more responsibly, all the professors trust him.

he was almost like a proper grown up now.

and you remember the echo of the ultimate rule in your childhood.

you shake your head, and an easy smile spread on your lips. stopping at the stairs for your dorms, “over my dead body,”

and he laughs, the sound echoing in the trashed common room, “well alright, good night, beautiful.”

“good night remus.”

fourth time at 19 years old;

you knew james was serious about lily when you lot had graduated from hogwarts. but you didn’t know the extent of the seriousness until he said this after one of the order meetings.

“i’m going to ask lily to marry me.”

james had said this with such conviction, so sure and full of affection. you can’t help but feel awed.

he suddenly seemed mature. not like the doofus you’ve come to know and consider a confidant through these trying times.

but a proper adult, one who does taxes and knows how to set up an appointment for medical check ups and fights in wars.

james suddenly feeling very far away from you.

you feel remus shift, his leg pressing into yours. you look at him to see what he wanted, but saw he was just looking at james, eyes set hard.

you shook yourself out of your stupor. standing up abruptly, not meaning to leave the familiar press of remus’ leg against your thigh.

“that’s—that’s great news james, i would have never guessed you—oh you’re all grown up!” you wrap your arms around his shoulders, and him wrapping his around your middle with a giddy smile.

“thank you, mum.” he laughs, the on going joke still running strong. you squeeze him extra tight and pinching his arm for extra measure. before pulling away. “i never thought you had it in you to propose. i’d have half a mind to propose to lily on your behalf.”

he laughs, a bashful blush resting on his cheeks. “i figured, why wait, you know? tomorrow isn’t promised, and—i think spending every moment together is we all can do. i don’t want to die with regrets. i love her.”

you breathed in deep.

sirius coming forward too and slapping james in the back before giving his own congratulations and then peter and then remus too.

you were happy for them both, truly, having found one another even in these difficult times was awe-inspiring.

and then you start to wretchedly wonder if you could have that too. if only the circumstances were a bit different. would you have been given enough time to find another? enough to love? enough to marry?

you find your gaze sliding to remus, how strained his smile looked and wonder if he’s thinking the same.

he looked back at you, as he always does, and smiles gently. less strained now. like he was resigned.

you try to imagine if the circumstances were a bit different and he would find someone to love. someone to marry.

you feel your navel, coil in a bundle of nerves. a tension in your neck making you almost irate.

he gestured for you to follow him out.

like being compelled and weak, you follow without a question.

the night air was chilly, and feeling some sort of static on your skin, like building an unnerving suspense.

remus just sat and gestured for you to sit beside him.

the seat was cold, and you sat rigid like ice.

it’s been a while since you’ve last sat with remus like this. the order keeping all your hours occupied, mission after mission. surviving by the skin of your teeth.

all the world has gone fucked now, it didn’t feel quite real some time—like some sort of veil has just been pulled over your head making you see things clearer for the horrors awaiting your fates.

and in your mind loud with noise and worry, you almost didn’t hear him.

“why don’t we do it?”

“what?” you turn to him, hoping his face show an inkling, a clue as to what he had said.

he looked at you then, eyes still so warm even with the atrocities he’s faced and eyes still so bright in the night. a twinkling light reflecting in his eyes making him look younger. prettier.

“why don’t we get married?”

you lean back slightly in shock, “what?” you repeated, because you didn’t understand. this came so suddenly, words weirdly familiar but the intent wildly different than from all the others you’ve heard before.

you looked at his eyes. searching, still, for a clue or something that might make sense because what?

he laughs, the warm, soft sounding one you can barely hear. but it was just the two of you outside and it was quiet and you were sitting so close, so you hear it—loud and clear. the sound making you feel warm. “is that so crazy?”

he looked like a boy, happy and hopeful. his leg was pressing into your thighs again. the pressure grounding you.

his hands fidgeting deep within his pockets.

“i think we work well enough.” he added, with a small smile.

you feel something in your heart stutter, “work well enough,” you repeated. “glad to know i reach your standards for a bride, sir lupin.” you almost scoff. masking the bitter simmer of disappointment of his reason. and the coiling nerves still tightly wound in your navel, feeling heavy, making it harder to breathe.

he shrugs, “well you know, a lot of applicants have been killing themselves to be chosen. i reckon you ought to feel honoured.” he grinned over to you, still joking.

you rolled your eyes, “of course,”

“yeah?” he perked up, suddenly sitting straighter, his knees bumping into yours in his haste to look at you properly. “you want to?” he seemed shocked, overtly so, that it makes you laugh. a heat blooming on your face at his apparent willingness to marry you before shaking your head to avoid any confusion.

“no to the proposal but yes, that it is indeed an honour.”

he deflates, “ah,” he said softly, before laughing like he was embarrassed. “i just—i kept thinking what james said, about tomorrow not being promised—and, i, well i thought—“ he clears his throat before continuing. “i thought i might see what the fuss was about,”

you nodded, “‘m afraid marriage isn’t so simple. you have to love one another for a start.” you added somewhat bitterly, looking away.

“so you keep reminding me,” he says, laughing awkwardly.

fifth time at 38 years old;

you feel as if your life was reaching a crescendo.

the night glooming, brooding like the sky knows to colour it of fear and nerves.

it was going to come down to tonight, so it seems. whether we win or we lose. the end or the beginning. all those families we’ve lost and the families we’ve created. all our hopes and dreams sacrificed into this one night.

“you feeling alright?” remus asked to your left.

the glooming sky somehow illuminating his face all the same.

“as alright as anyone can be when facing a dark wizard.” you smirked, shrugging.

he laughs, still sounding so warm and soft.

you feel his fingers brush yours. you had half a mind to remind him to get ready and hold his wand tight.

you notice how keeps forgetting to do that. opting to hold unto you, just like he did before when he was a child from another time.

he only offers a closed lipped smile, looking at you the same way he has always looked at you. his stare the most familiar thing, it might as well be a part of you.

“i love you.” he breathed. and your heart hammered, your world tilting on its axis. shifting the very fabric of your universe.

and he looked relieved like he couldn’t wait to hold unto it any longer. and then he repeated it. more sure. louder. affectionate. looking straight into you. his brilliant, soft, warm eyes so full.

you wonder when did his gaze start to look at you like that?

and then you see;

his eyes looking as it did when he was five, shining with obvious awe.

his eyes when he was eleven, with resolute determination.

eyes when he was seventeen, glinting with mirth in the dark crevices of the dorms.

the look he gave you when he was nineteen, looking so boyishly happy and hopeful.

and now as he’s thirty-eight, looking at you with so much love, and longing, and pain, and joy.

“when this is all over,” he breathe, “will you marry me?”

so much time has passed by now that you had once thought it was too late for you. too late with him. something you always thought but could never have.

he was now undeniably a man. arms littered with scars and unwavering confidence as he looks at you. but his eyes still glimmer and twinkle all the same.

the undeniable rampage in your chest, your eyes searching for an answer or a clue for what he’s thinking.

“i love you,” he repeats, and gazing at you with that familiar eyes of his.

and you laugh because you found your answer. so you’ll give him his.

“yes.”

extra;

the battle was brutal, bodies piled on top of one another. those too young to know what they even fought for. those for their own ideals. and those caught in cross fires.

but it was over. and the good guys won.

but with so many lost, people thought, how could i possibly cheer?

but there was this type of solace when you’re gone. there was no more pain. all those gone can only do one thing, to let go. at least that’s what harry thinks.

staring down at the family he could’ve had.

your limp cold hand holding remus’ equally cold ones.

he wonders if someone intertwined your hands, or if you simply died holding on to each other. never to let go.

he realized it didn’t really matter. you were both gone. forever, but together.

he thinks of the comforting hugs you’ve given him in the short time you’ve spent with him, and the many stories remus told. and in this fierce pain he wonders if you ever saw the shiny, glinting ring in remus’ dresser hidden away ever since he was eighteen.

[nanawritesit]

Being EXO’s fem!idol crush who gets shipped with them - Hyung Line Ver.

Maknae Line Ver.

a/n: this is based on the SM girl group idol au that i wrote a while back, please read that first so that the writing will make sense :) ALSO chen’s will be written platonically bc as i’ve stated before, i don’t feel comfortable writing romantic scenarios for someone who has a wife and two kids 💀 AND these scenarios are LONG so i’m splitting this into two parts! enjoy :)

TW: kissing, being held, crying, mentions of food

Xiumin:

You and Xiumin had been growing close as colleagues and friends for a few months now. You began hanging out on a semi-regular basis, and today he was guest starring on a live video for Etoile Clubhouse.

“You ready?” you asked him, finger hovering over mouse to click the “live” button. You were actually asking yourself if you would be able to get through a whole video with him without making a fool of yourself. Lately you had been developing the biggest crush on him, and it was highly embarrassing. Not even your members knew about it. You knew that Nabi and Marie would just tease you mercilessly, and that Iseul and Kaori would never stop bothering you with questions, so you decided to keep it to yourself.

“You know it.” he winked, leaning forward in his chair with a grin.

You nodded, letting out a small gulp as you clicked the button. In just a few seconds, fans and comments were pouring in.

“Hi Starlight! It’s your main vocalist Y/N!” you greeted your fans lovingly. Xiumin glanced over at you with an admiring sparkle in his eyes, which you didn’t seem to notice.

“Today I’m joined by my good friend, Xiumin of EXO!” you announced, gesturing over to him.

Xiumin waved at the camera. “Hi Starlight! It’s good to see you!”

You began scrolling through some of the comments.

ugh, my two biases together, my heart can’t take it 😭

OLDEST MEMBERS ON TOP!

look at the way he’s looking at her 🥺💞

You tried to control the blush smile that threatened to make its way onto your face, leaning back in your chair. “Well, they’re certainly happy to see you too!”

He smiled appreciatively, giving the camera a small bow. “Thank you, Starlight. It’s an honor to be here with the lovely Y/N.”

You hit his arm playfully. “Stop trying to butter me up! You’re not stealing any of my fans!”

He laughed at you, ruffling your hair slightly. “Awh, you know I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides, I could never betray EXO-L like that.” He flashed a finger heart at the camera with a cute wink.

You rolled your eyes, then went back to reading some of the comments.

just ask her out already xiumin 😑

the banter??? they’re so cute omg

oh they’re definitely dating 👀

“Wow, you guys really have a lot to say today.” you chuckled nervously.

Xiumin glanced over at you again with a reassuring smile, his eyes so full of compassion that you could melt. “We do make a pretty good team, Y/N. You can’t blame them for being honest.”

You laughed at his comment, easing up a bit. As the live went on, you both just answered some questions and talked about the projects you’d been working on lately. There were a lot of laughs, and overall you were very satisfied with the fan turnout. A lot of EXO-L’s had heard that Xiumin was on your live, and popped over to say hi as well.

“Well, we’re approaching our hour mark, so unfortunately it’s time to say goodbye.” you huffed disappointedly. You always hated saying goodbye to your fans.

“I suppose so…” Xiumin sighed. He pouted at the camera, making you chuckle.

“Alright, until next time, stay twinkly!” you smiled at the camera, pressing you hand to your lips to do your signature ending. You always blew a kiss to the camera at the end of a live.

However, as you did, Xiumin pressed a kiss to your cheek. You froze, hand falling away from your lips slowly.

“Did you just…?” you asked in bewilderment, looking over at him with doe eyes.

He just sat there with a content shit-eating grin on his face, looking at you innocently.

You looked over at the monitor to see what the fans were saying.

OH MY GOD Y/N-MIN IS HAPPENING !!!

XIUMIN IS BOLD AF

KISS! KISS! KISS!

“ALRIGHT, it’s time to say goodbye Starlight!” you chuckled anxiously, quickly blowing a kiss before exiting out of the live. You swiveled around in your chair to face Xiumin. “What was that?”

“It was just a kiss on the cheek.” he chirped, resting his chin on his hand.

“Yes, but on live? That could’ve been a disaster! What if the fans-“

“What if the fans what?” he interrupted, grabbing your hand and rubbing his thumb long the back of it. “They obviously liked us together. And so do I.”

Your heart stopped, and you looked up at him in disbelief. “You… you do?”

He nodded, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I do. I really do. I want something more with you Y/N.”

You gave him a small smile, placing your hand over his. “I do too Xiumin. I’ve wanted it for a while now. I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“It’s understandable. What I did was kind of risky.” he chuckled.

“You think?” you replied sarcastically.

“Come here…” he grumbled, tugging you closer to him. He brought his hands up to the sides of your face and pulled you in for a kiss. It was sweet and delicate, and everything you had been hoping for. You placed your hands on his shoulders as you leaned into it, deepening it slightly. As you pulled away, your foreheads came to rest against each other.

“You make me so happy, Y/N.” he whispered, squinting his eyes.

“Ditto.” you replied, pecking his lips again.

Suho:

It was the long anticipated MAMA awards, and you and your group were all dressed up in matching indigo gowns. You were all sitting together in your row, watching the performances and applauding as the awards were presented. You were especially entertained by one of the hosts… Suho from EXO.

“Wow, you’re really engrossed in the ceremony Y/N.” Nabi commented, leaning over and nudging you in your side.

“Oh, shut up!” you grunted, slapping her arm away. “I’m just excited to see all our colleagues get rewarded for how hard they’ve worked this year.”

“Yeah, and it has nothing to do with how you’ve had a crush on Suho since the day he accidentally walked in on our dance practice back when we were trainees.” Marie teased you from your other side.

“I’m feeling very ganged up on right now.” you grumbled, crossing your arms. “At least the maknaes respect me enough not to make fun of me.”

“That’s only because they’re such big STAYS that they can’t take their eyes off the stage long enough to realize you’re making googly eyes at the host.” Nabi retorted.

You glanced over at Iseul and Kaori who were totally immersed in Stray Kids’ performance. They were totally in love with Felix and Changbin respectively, and were so jealous when you got to make a cameo in one of their music videos. You promised to get them autographs, but it only eased the pain a little bit.

Everyone broke out into applause as Stray Kids exited the stage and returned to their seats. Suho and Irene walked back to the center of the stage to announce the next award, and a hush fell upon the audience. You looked up at the stage with bright eyes, trying to act as if you were looking at both the hosts, and not just Suho.

“What a wonderful performance from Stray Kids!” he congratulated. “It’s no wonder they’ve already received three awards tonight.”

You laughed along with everyone else, making Nabi and Marie share a knowing glance. You hit them both lightly on the thigh, making them snap away from each other quickly. Sometimes your unni-card came in handy.

“That’s true, but now it’s time to announce the winner of best female group!” Irene beamed, waving the envelope in her hands.

The crowd erupted in cheers, and all five of you looked at each other with wide eyes. It was your first year in the running, and while you weren’t expecting to win, the anticipation was killing you all. Etoile had really taken off last year after Andromeda was released, and was already considered in the realms of Twice and Red Velvet. It was certainly going to be a tense moment, and the whole audience knew it.

You grabbed onto Nabi and Marie’s hands, immediately forgetting about how frustrated they had made you earlier. Marie reached over to hold Iseul and Kaori’s hands. It was a tradition you all started after you won your first award with Andromeda. Even if you weren’t expecting to win, you all held hands to signify your unity. Irene began to unfold the envelope, and everyone was on the edge of their seats.

You glanced up at the stage, and for a moment, you could swear that Suho was looking at you. His eyes were full of admiration and joy. Your heart stopped, and you gripped onto your members hands even harder. Suddenly, Suho glanced over at the envelope in Irene’s hands. His eyebrows raised and his mouth fell open slightly. Forgetting himself, he looked back over at you in the crowd and gave you a small wink. Did that mean that…?

“And the MAMA award for best female group goes to Etoile!” Irene cheered, clapping her hands together excitedly.

The five of you sprung up from your seats, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. There was no way! This had to be a joke. But when you looked behind you and saw nearly all your colleagues, senior and junior, looking at you with praise and pride, you knew it was real.

You looked over at Nabi, who already had tears streaming down your face. You giggled at her emotional reaction, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

She shook her head, wiping her tears. “I’m… I’m…”

You chuckled at her, taking her hands in your own. “Come on, we have to go accept the award.”

As you led your leader out into the aisle way, you glanced back to see Marie clinging onto her, then Iseul clinging onto Marie, and Kaori clinging onto Iseul. They were all sobbing and barely making it out of their seats without passing out. You shook your head with an amused smile. This always happened. Your members would all be blubbering messes and you were always the only calm one, leading them up the stage like a mother hen.

As you reached the stairs, you looked up to see Suho rushing over to help you up. You couldn’t help the giddy smile that was plastered on your face as his eyes met yours. You took his hand and allowed him to lead you up the steps, with him taking extra care to move slowly enough so that you wouldn’t trip in your heels. As you ascended the last step, he gingerly placed a kiss over the back of your hand. Your eyes went wide, and you could hear your members giggling behind you.

“Congratulations. You deserve this.” he told you, gesturing over to Irene, who was waiting to give you your award.

You gave him an excited, blushy smile and rushed over to Irene, who already had her arms extended to give you a huge hug. As she pulled away, she handed you your award. “I knew you could do it, little sis.” she grinned admiringly.

“Thank you, big sis.” you replied with a small bow, leading your girls over to the microphone to give the speech.

—————

Later that night, you were all at the after party, and everyone there was treating you like the guests of honor. Your friends from Stray Kids came over to congratulate you, making Iseul and Kaori’s millennium.

“Did you see the way Changbin looked at me?” your maknae squealed, clutching the award to her chest. She hadn’t let go of it all night long, treating it like it was her own child. You had to admit, it was adorable to see your “daughter” so excited about your groups’ achievement.

“Yeah, it was the same way Suho was looking at our Y/N during the ceremony.” Nabi teased you once again.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, well you couldn’t look at anything during the ceremony because your eyes were flooded with tears.”

The other girls laughed along with you, except Nabi, who scoffed annoyedly.

“I still can’t believe he kissed your hand though.” Iseul commented, shaking your shoulders excitedly. “I really think you should shoot your shot with him!”

“All I want to do right now is go get some air.” you shut her down, patting her shoulder lovingly. “All this interrogation is making me feel suffocated.”

The four girls chuckled at you, waving you off as you made your way to a secluded hallway. You knew they meant well, but god they were insufferable sometimes.

However as you turnt the corner, lost in thought, you came face first with a solid brick wall. At least, that’s what you thought it was until you looked up to see Suho’s eyes locked in on yours.

“Oh, forgive me, I’m so clumsy!” you apologized frantically, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“No, it’s alright!” he reassured you, placing his hands gingerly on your arms to stabilize you. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I just had to get some air.”

“I get it. Being so successful is exhausting.” he replied.

You smiled at him before glancing down at the ground nervously. “We really weren’t expecting to win.”

“What?” he asked you, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Why not? I thought you guys were an absolute shoo-in.”

“Is that why you were staring at me in the crowd?” you asked, feeling a bit more bold.

Now it was his turn to blush and glance down at his shoes. “Maybe. I just knew that my favorite junior group had worked really hard this year and deserved to win the award.”

Your heart slipped a beat. “We’re your favorite junior group?”

He nodded with a playful grin. “Absolutely. And you’re my bias.”

Your mouth impulsively dropped open, making you feel like an idiot. You quickly slapped it shut, adjusting your hair anxiously. “That’s really funny, because you happen to be my bias.”

“Really?” he gaped, copying the same actions you had just taken. You giggled with a nod, making him chuckle. “I guess EXO-L and Starlight are right, we do make a good pairing.”

You squinted your eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you must have been so busy out there that you haven’t had the chance to check social media!” he realized, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. He pulled up a popular fanpage and handed it to you. “It’s all anyone can talk about. Along with how adorable you were leading your group down the aisle.”

You scrolled through the comments, eyes bulging out of your head at how many there were.

suho was so cute kissing Y/N’s hand 🥺 i’m so jealous but i think they’d make an adorable couple

suho rushing over to help Y/N up the stage was the cutest thing ever! he definitely has a lil crush on her <3

did anyone else notice how Suho winked at Y/N in the audience??? and how Y/N was looking at Suho the whole time he was hosting??? they’re literally so in love idc 😤

You fought back the tugging at the corner of your lips, handing Suho back his phone. “That’s amazing.”

“I know. I guess the only thing left for us to do is go out on a date.”

You nodded. “I’d like that very much.”

You both exchanged numbers, then said your goodbyes as he made his way back out into the party. As you got to the bathroom, you shut the door behind you and pressed your back against it, clutching your chest. You had just gotten the award of your dreams and the man of your dreams, all in the same night. How much more lucky could you get?

Lay:

You were having a great time in China with Marie, being chosen as guest mentors for an idol training program. A lot of the girls on the show were fans, and your appearances were bringing in a lot of new Chinese Starlights.

You were reaching the end of your filming, running through the last steps of your dance practice with the girls. You and Marie were standing at the front of the room with your backs’ to the door, and you were so entranced with watching your girls’ practice that you didn’t even hear the door open behind you.

Suddenly, a strong pair of arms was thrown around the two of you, making you both jump. Your head whipped around quickly, and your eyes widened as you realized who it was.

“Yixing!” you both cheered, turning around in his arms to hug him.

He flashed a smile at you before wrapping his arms around the two of you tightly.

The girls all finished their dance and cheered at the arrival of another mentor, one that they had been working with for quite a while now.

“Alright girls, I think it’s time for a break!” you announced. They all thanked you and bowed before filing out, leaving the three of you alone in the dance practice room.

“I didn’t know you guys’ were going to be on the show!” Yixing beamed, putting his hands on his hips. “I came in to do the dance practice with the girls today and they were all gone, then the producers told me you were guest mentoring today, and I just had to come say hi.”

“Yes you did!” you agreed. “We’ve missed you so much at SM! You were our favorite senior!”

He blushed slightly, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve missed you guys too. But I really like the work I’m doing over here.”

“Of course, we understand that.” Marie reassured him. “It just gets hard without your expertise sometimes.”

You all laughed, shifting slightly.

“Alright, I think that’s enough footage for now.” the camera man announced. “The main focus of the episode is going to be the vocal practice so you guys are good to go.”

You and Marie thanked him, then turned back to Yixing.

“So, if you guys aren’t doing anything tonight, do you wanna get dinner together? It’ll be my treat.” he offered with a cute smile.

You blushed slightly. “I’d love to.”

“Thank you, but I’ll pass. I think I pulled something in my shoulder today.” Marie grumbled, rolling her shoulder back a few times. “But you guys have fun.”

“Okay, no worries. Y/N and I will have a great time together without you.” Yixing teased her, ruffling her hair. She pushed him away with a scowl. He had always treated Marie like a little sister, which made you laugh because she was usually so tough and headstrong.

He turned back towards you. “Text me which hotel you’re at, and we can meet up around 7 if that’s okay?”

You nodded, smiling brightly at him. “It’s a date!” You cringed internally. Why would you say that?

He said his goodbyes and left the room, leaving you and Marie to yourselves.

“You’re welcome, by the way.” she huffed, punching you on the arm lightly.

“For what?” you asked, grabbing your purse.

“For making up that lie about my shoulder so you could have a dinner alone with Yixing.” she grinned, taking a few swigs from her water bottle before continuing. “I’m missing out on a great dinner just so you can make a move with your crush, so you better not waste it.”

—————

“And so I’m standing there in the middle of the subway in a Sailor Moon costume, looking around for my members, and they’re just nowhere to be seen! I had to take the subway all the way back to the dorms in that ridiculous outfit!”

Yixing threw his head back in laughter at your story, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. “Oh my gosh, they did not leave you there by yourself!”

“Yes they did! And that’s why you don’t leave the group to get coffee after shooting a music video.” you concluded, rolling your eyes.

He was rolling, small tears forming in the corners of his eyes from how hard he was laughing. “Ah, that’s too funny. I mean, not for you, but… as a listener.”

You nodded, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “No it’s okay. It’s unfortunate, but hilarious.”

“I’m so glad I asked you out to dinner tonight.” he commented, eyes looking into yours and sparkling with sincerity. “I meant it when I said I’ve missed you.”

“I did too. It’s not the same without you there.” you replied.

He seemed to be reaching across the table for your hand. Your heart stopped in anticipation.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

You squinted your eyes and exhaled an annoyed sigh. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, go ahead and answer it.” he chuckled awkwardly.

You practically ripped your phone out of your purse and hit the answer button, hardly even looking at who it was. “What?!” you spat.

“Y/N! For the love of god check your phone!” Nabi screeched on the other end of the line.

“Nabi? Why, what’s going on? Are the girls okay?” you asked worriedly.

“Yeah, we’re all fine! Just check your phone!” your leader demanded, then hung up the phone.

You looked over at Yixing in confusion.

“Everything okay?” he asked, concerned.

“I don’t know. Nabi just screamed at me to check my phone.” you shrugged, beginning to scroll through your text messages. First was the group chat you had with the members.

Nabi 🦋: “Y/N Y/L/N YOUVE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO”

Marie 🐈‍⬛: “Relax, I just ditched dinner so she could be alone with Yixing. They’re not dating yet. No one call her, you’ll ruin their date.”

Iseul 🐶: “YES! FINALLY!”

Kaori 🐥: “Wait, Y/N and Yixing are dating???”

Iseul 🐶: “Y/N? Who asked who out?”

Kaori 🐥: “I’m so glad my parents are finally together :)”

Nabi 🦋: “CALL ME RN.”

Marie 🐈‍⬛: “You guys are literal idiots.”

You knit your brows in confusion before switching over to your other text messages. Why were they talking about you and Yixing dating? And how did they even know you were out with him?

Yeri 💜: “bestie, have you seen this?” *article attached*

Taeyong 🌹: “Y/N, have you been on twitter recently? There’s some stuff you might wanna see…”

Ten 🐱: “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING OUT WITH YIXING?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS 😭”

Karina ❤️: “yessss get it girl!” *photo attached*

Manager 🫡: “Call me when you get a chance. It’s important.”

Yixing reached for your hand again, actually holding it this time. “Y/N… what’s going on?”

You looked at him helplessly, feeling your heart swell with anxiety. “There’s dating rumors about us. I’m guessing the fans saw us on that tv show and then saw us here together.”

He looked like he was about to say something, but was interrupted by his own cell phone ringing loudly in his pocket.

He sighed, grabbing his coat. “Let’s go to my place. I have a feeling we’ll be sorting this out all night.”

—————

You had just gotten back to Yixing’s place, and were currently sitting on the sofa waiting for your manager to pick up his phone. He had gone into his bedroom to talk to his own manager, telling you to just make yourself comfortable.

You tapped your foot anxiously as your phone rang. You had no idea what your manager was going to say. Would he be angry? Understanding? Just as confused as you were?

“Hey Y/N.” he finally answered.

“Hey.” you sighed, feeling your stomach turn. You prepared yourself for the worst.

“How are you holding up kid?” he asked, seemingly genuinely concerned.

“About as good as I can. I still don’t really know what’s going on.” you replied.

“Well, I just got done talking to the company. They said the response is mostly positive. They’ve given you the okay to confirm the relationship.”

Your eyes widened in disbelief. That was pretty much the opposite of what you were expecting to hear. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s really interesting. Apparently they saw the two of you hugging and bantering on that idol show you’re on right now and thought it was really sweet. Then someone posted that picture of the two of you at that restaurant and the comments were just flooded with approval.” he laughed, seemingly just as perplexed as you were. “I’ve gotta say, I have to agree with them. You guys do look good together.”

You chuckled, pushing your hair back in amazement. “Oh my gosh. I have no idea what to do now.”

“Are you with Yixing right now?” your manager asked.

“Mmhm. He’s in the other room talking to his manager.” you replied.

“Okay. You two can talk it over for a bit. Let me know what decision you come to.” he instructed. “Take care, kid.”

“Okay, I will. Talk to you in a bit.” you told him, hanging up the phone. You sighed in relief, tossing your phone onto the coffee table. You sunk down onto the sofa and shut your eyes, rubbing them slightly.

Suddenly, Yixing emerged from the hallway. He chuckled at your disheveled appearance, walking over to sit down next to you. “You good?”

“Honestly, I’m better off than I thought I would be.” you answered with an amused smirk. “My manager just told me the response is mostly positive.

“Mine said the same thing.” he nodded. “Now it’s just up to us.”

You sat up, folding your hands in your lap. “So, what do we want to do?”

He shrugged casually. “I’d like to confirm it.”

Your heart stopped. “You do?”

He smiled, dimples showing prominently. “Y/N, I’ve had a crush on you for years. Now thanks to the fans, I might actually have a chance with you.

Your face broke out into an enormous grin, and you began to feel butterflies in your stomach. This was really too good to be true.

“Alright, I’ll call my manager and tell him to confirm it.” you beamed, reaching for your phone.

He grabbed your wrist delicately, stopping you. “Wait, just a second…” He then leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on your cheek.

Your face heated up, and you touched your hand to your cheek lightly, looking at him perplexedly. “What was that for?”

“For giving me a night I’ll never forget.”

Baekhyun:

It was the fans’ dream come true. A collab between SuperM and GOT the Beat. All the male and female legends of SM were going to be together in one music video.

You were all currently shooting the music video. The director’s vision was to mix up the different ages and genders in individual cuts to showcase the true unity of the super groups. Taemin, Hyoyeon, and Kai were put together since they were a fan favorite grouping. Taeyong and Taeyeon were another paring. Ten and Seulgi were partners, as well as Mark and Iseul. Then, Karina and Winter did their section together. BoA, Wendy, and Lucas were the last trio. That left you and Baekhyun, who had been your idol and celebrity crush since you were 16.

Karina and Iseul winked at you before walking off into their own groupings, making you scowl and roll your eyes. You turned back to Baekhyun with a weak smile, bowing politely.

“It’s so nice to meet you formally.” you stammered meekly. “I’m a huge fan. You’re actually one of my biggest inspirations as a main vocalist.”

Damnit, you thought, that probably made me sound like such a nerd.

Baekhyun’s face lit up in the most genuine smile, he was practically giggling in contentment at your confession. “That’s so wonderful to hear! I’m honored to have inspired the best female vocalist at this company.”

You gasped, eyes going wide. “Oh I’d hardly call myself the best, especially considering what powerhouses I get to work with in GTB!”

He chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning closer to you. “Your nickname is ‘angel voice’ for a reason.” He seemed to be getting more and more comfortable with you by the second. The two of you seemed to just click instantly.

“Would you like to hear a secret?” he practically whispered. You nodded and turnt your ear towards his lips with an intrigued grin. “You give quite a bit of inspiration to me as well Y/N. I might just be your biggest Starlight.”

You gasped again, this time out of excitement. “You’re kidding!” you exclaimed.

He shook his head, playful smile still wide on his face. “Why would I lie to my favorite junior?”

You rolled your eyes and blushed, looking away in embarrassment. He really knew how to fluster you. Luckily, the director had just walked over to you and was about to start shooting.

“Alright Y/N and Baekhyun! We’ve got a lot of good visuals and vocals between the two of you so I’m very excited to shoot these cuts!” she beamed, clapping her hands together. “We’re going to take a teaser photo first, then we’re just going to roll the cameras to get some b roll for the music video.” The both of you nodded understandingly before moving over to the shooting area.

“Let’s start by having Y/N stand in the foreground looking straight at the camera.” the director ordered. “Baekhyun, how about you put an arm around her chest and place the other hand delicately on her waist. Now, tilt your head towards her as if you’re whispering in her ear.”

Your heart stopped as you both assumed the position. You had filmed music videos with other male artists before, so the intimacy wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that Byun Baekhyun was going to be just inches away from your ear and holding you close to him.

You froze as he placed his hand on your waist.

“Is this okay?” he asked softly enough that only you could hear him.

You smiled appreciatively and nodded slightly. He then placed the other arm around your chest and gripped his fingers securely onto your shoulder as if to comfort you. He was really making it easy to lean into his touch, and soon you were comfortably standing there in his arms, giving the camera your best smize.

“You’re breathtaking, Y/N.” he murmured, a wholesome smirk evident on his face. You couldn’t help but flash a huge, toothy grin at his compliment. As soon as you did, the cameras flashed, signaling that your photo had been taken.

“Beautiful, you guys! That was a perfect photo!” the director praised. “We don’t even need to take a second one. Now just do your thing while we roll the cameras for some b roll.”

“The camera loves us together.” Baekhyun commented, resting his head on your shoulder with a sigh.

You glanced down at him with a teasing side eye, clamping your hands onto the arm he had around your chest. “Well, the camera’s apparantley not the only one.”

“Ah, so sassy for a junior.” he scoffed, leaning closer to your ear. “Someone should teach you a thing or two about respecting your elders.” he hissed out teasingly.

“And are you going to be that someone?” you chuckled, an amused grin making its way onto your expression despite how hard you tried to fight it.

“I might be.” he grinned, rocking you in his arms a bit. “But I’d have to take you out first.”

You turned around to face him, forgetting about the cameras in front of you for a second. “Are you genuinely asking me out on a date?” you inquired.

“That’s usually what someone means when they say they’d like to take you out. Unless they’re an assassin.” he chuckled, placing his hands on your hips.

You laughed nervously, gripping onto his arms with your hands. “Baekhyun, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I mean, we’re idols. I know we don’t have a dating ban anymore, but it’s still risky.”

“I’m willing to take that chance.” he reassured you, staring into your eyes with a carefree smile. “You’d be worth it, without question.”

You grinned uncontrollably wide, glancing down at the floor bashfully. “I… I just don’t know.”

“Think about it, okay?” he practically pleaded.

You looked up into his big brown puppy dog eyes, which were glimmering with hope and sincerity. It was impossible to say no. “Okay, I will. I promise.”

“That was incredible guys!” the director suddenly interrupted your intimate moment, making you spring away from each other. “Now let’s do some lip synching to the lyrics!”

—————

The fans’ response the collab was amazing. Many were calling it a shoo-in for song of the year, and one of the best decisions SM had ever made.

“Hey Y/N! Have you read the comments on our music video?” Karina asked you as she approached you in the SM hallway on your way back from vocal practice.

“No, I haven’t gotten the chance to yet.” you explained. “Why?”

She raised her eyebrows at you suggestively. “Well, you definitely should. Apparantley there’s a lot about you and a certain main vocalist you were paired up with.”

Your heart sunk. “Oh no, are the fans upset?”

“No, not at all!” your junior chuckled. “In fact, they’re shipping you guys together.”

You couldn’t help the idiotic smile that flashed onto your face. “Really?”

“Yes, so why don’t you just go out with him already? Taeyong and Ten told me he’s absolutely smitten with you!” Karina whined, tugging on your arm slightly.

You rolled your eyes, pushing her away. “Shouldn’t you be getting to your dance practice, Miss Leader?”

She gasped and began to take off down the hall. “Shoot, you’re right! See you later, Y/N!”

You chuckled at her silliness, then leaned up against the wall and whipped out your phone. You pulled up the music video and began scrolling through the comments.

Wow, Y/N and Baekhyun look really good together <3

Y/N-hyun is my new favorite ship 👀

Anyone else think Baekhyun and Y/N would make the best power couple in kpop history???

You let out a baffled scoff at the positive response. Maybe it was silly to be so worried about dating him. Suddenly, you took off down the hallway with renewed purpose, knowing exactly where you had to go.

As you arrived at Baekhyun’s studio, you knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. And he did, peering out with a smile and fixing his hair at the sight of you.

“Y/N? What are you-“

He was cut off by you grabbing his face and delicately pressing your lips against his. It was just a small peck, but it was ever so sweet, and let him know just how you felt about him.

“I thought about it.” you said once you pulled away. “Let’s go out.”

He put his hands on your hips, grinning from ear to ear. “Thank god. I was starting to think you didn’t like me.” He leaned down to kiss you again, longer and more passionately than the last time.

Chen:

“That was awesome, Kaori!” you complimented your maknae from the other side of the recording booth. She had just finished her rap feature for one of the songs on your solo album. “You’re good to go, kid.”

“You sure?” she asked, removing her headphones. “I can stay and help you with the rest if you want.”

“Nah it’s cool, you’re a growing girl. You need your sleep.” you told her with a reassuring smile. “Besides, you know how particular I am about things.”

“Alright mom.” she chuckled, rolling her eyes playfully. “Just don’t pass out in the studio again. Nabi ran all over like a mad woman trying to find you last time.”

“I promise I won’t. I’ll see you back at the dorms in the morning.” you replied, waving her off.

You sighed as the door shut behind her, slumping down in your chair. You moved on to organizing all your tracks and adjusting them to your liking. It was a tedious process, but you knew it would be worth it when your solo album was finally out. You wanted to do this, for yourself and for your fans.

After what felt like a few hours of working, someone came through the door. You huffed irritatedly.

“Kaori, I told you to go to sleep…” you stopped mid-sentence as you realized the person at the door was definitely not Kaori. “Oh, Chen! What are you doing here?”

He chuckled at your sudden change of attitude. “Oh, I was working in the studio at the end of the hall and heard someone tinkering around on my way out. I thought I’d check it out.” He sat down in the chair next to yours. “How long have you been at this?”

You glanced at the clock. How the hell was it 3 am? You sighed before answering him. “Five hours, I suppose”

He pressed his lips together and nodded understandingly. “Yeah, that’s about what I figured. Come on, we’re taking a break.” He patted your shoulder and stood up from his chair.

“What? No, I can’t…” you protested, gesturing to the monitor in front of you.

“You most certainly can.” he retorted, putting his hands on his hips assertively, but still keeping a smile on his face. “Let’s go get you some food and water, and we’ll come right back. It won’t take more than ten minutes.”

You sat there for a moment, just staring at him blankly, not quite knowing what else to say that might make him give up.

“Don’t make me use my dad voice.” he threatened.

“Alright, I’m going…” you sighed defeatedly, grabbing your coat as you stood up and followed him out into the hallway.

—————

He was true to his word, the walk to the convenience store and back only took about ten minutes. You were now back in the recording room, snacks strewn about everywhere, going over your tracks with Chen.

“I think this is really solid!” he complimented you. “Obviously you’ll want to do a few tweaks here and there, but this is really good. You should be proud.”

“Awh, thanks Chen!” you replied gratefully. “One of the things I was thinking about doing was…”

The two of you went back and forth bouncing ideas between each other, adjusting parts of the songs and making them perfect.

“Okay, I’m gonna save your original, but I’ll tweak it how I would do it, and then I’ll show it to you.” he proposed, taking over the sound board. “Just hang tight for a sec, okay?”

“Roger that.” you told him, giving him a thumbs up. You rested your head against your arms, which were folded up on the desk in front of you. Suddenly it hit you how tired you were. Your eyelids felt like they weighed 100 pounds, and the soft clicks of Chen using the keyboard seemed to be lulling you off to sleep like a metronome. Before you could stop yourself, your eyes closed for the last time, and you were dozing off right there in the studio.

“Okay, I’m done…” he stated, swiveling around to face you. He chuckled as he realized you had fallen asleep right next to him. “This kid…” he laughed, shaking his head. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of you, posting it on instagram and tagging Etoile’s account.

Hey Starlight, just thought you’d like to know how hard your main vocal is working on her solo album! I know I can’t wait for it to come out!

He clicked the post button, then shoved his phone back in his pocket. He saved all your work, then shut off all the lights and machines. Once everything was taken care of, he grabbed one of your arms and threw you over his back, beginning to carry you back to the dorms.

—————

Needless to say, you were highly confused when you woke up in your own bed the next day. Furrowing your brows, you threw on your slippers and walked out into the dining room to see Nabi and Kaori at the table eating breakfast.

“There’s our sleeping beauty.” Nabi teased with a loving smirk. “Got in pretty late last night, huh?”

“Dude, I don’t even know how I got home.” you yawned, trudging over to the coffee pot.

“Oh, you don’t remember? Chen brought you home!” Kaori told you. “He said you passed out in the studio again.

“Yeah, the fans are talking about the picture he posted. They think it’s super cute.” Nabi explained, pulling up the post on her phone.

You took a sip of your coffee before grabbing the phone from her hand. You smiled as you read the caption, then began scrolling through the comments.

awh, chen is such a good big brother to our y/n! 🥺

thank you for saving y/n from nabi’s wrath XD

look at chen being a proud dad, i’m sobbing 😭

i love the wholesome sibling vibes these two have!

You grinned as you gave Nabi her phone back. “He is kind of like an older brother. That was really sweet of him to bring me home. I should thank him.”

You sat down at the table with your coffee and pulled out your phone, only to see that he had already texted you.

Chen ✌🏻: “Just so you know, I’m making you feature in one of MY solo songs sometime soon. I can already tell your album is going to be huge, and I need your talents 👀”

You laughed at his demanding tone, typing up your own reply.

Y/N 🦢: “aye aye cap’n 🫡 also thanks for getting me home last night :)”

Chen ✌🏻: “No problem, just don’t pass out in the studio again or Nabi and I will BOTH come after you 👊🏻”

“So if you’re my mom, and Chen is your big brother, does that make him my uncle?” Kaori asked with a confused expression.

“I guess so.” you shrugged with a smile. Your found family at SM just seemed to keep growing and growing, but you couldn’t complain. It was nice to work with people who cared about you, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Hiiii me again

Related to the post about the ownership of characters and the tags you put-

I just wanted to mention that you’ve given me a lot of confidence. I used to be the type of person who believed “if your oc even breathes in the direction of a canon character, it’s cringe and Mary Sue and you’ll be ripped to shreds for it.” I’d have to tread so lightly with characters I enjoyed and love them from afar because I felt if I made even a joke post someone would bring it up.

I’ve only just gotten into the cod fandom, found your blog a couple months ago, and it’s given me a lot of like. Idk!! Just “fuck it, do what you want” kinda vibes in the best way? It’s really hard to word this lmao. But since finding your blog I’ve made a 141 character, a shadow, literally shipping an oc with ghost now, and I’m having fun that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t find your blog

So thank you <3

Hello! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

Well, It's been an apparent issue in this fandom. idk why, but when I visit other fandoms, the sense of ownership and possessiveness to the characters is not that high, like what's up with these people I don't know. Like, the characters in media, especially in games, don't belong to anyone except the studios that made them 😭

We as fandom members can create original characters, alternative universes, and stuff for them. I can't imagine a piece of media without fanarts, fics, and OC's really. Heck, that's what keeps the fandom alive. If there's one thing we can learn from history of media, is that you can't hold back people's creativity. OF COURSE, there are cringe ones and unhinged ones, but it's fandom, of course, it's filled with different types of people from normal to bizarre ones.

Here's the thing, just because one person has already shipped their OC with one character, that doesn't mean that character is LOST forever to that one particular OC like it's a damn popularity competition 😭.

I've also seen some people saying that they're so emotionally attached to this one character, that if they see him with someone else's OC. they get super emotional and super angry?? Okay that's just-- WOW.

If you feel uncomfortable seeing your favorite character being shipped with someone else, then that just means that you're NOT ready and not mature enough to be an OC creator and be in a fandom space. Full stop.

and if I may speak from experience, I've lost a few friendships due to being... quite popular OC shipper with Ghost 🥲 I personally don't feel anything when I see other's OC's with Ghost, or any character I like with other OC's -- I EVEN DRAW OTHER OC'S WITH GHOST FOR COMMISSIONS 😭

But yeah, before I yap too much, thank you so much for the good words in the last paragraph! It's very very lovely, and I'm glad you have your own OC to have fun with! Happy creating and happy drawing💖!

[kaija-rayne-author]

Section 12 in review of Dragon Age Veilguard

96 Hours in, 94 hours playtime..

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and other Dragon Age stuff, I'm a Lore fiend.)

Section 11 is here.

So, the whole Mourn watch section with the half Lich was very well written and put together. Had an interesting (if not difficult) puzzle and a poignant ending. Loved it.

Did the Treviso sequence where Illario gets his comeuppance. Even though it's a very stale plot idea, it was so very well written and executed (har har) that it's a shame they fired Lucanis's writer. (Mary Kirby wrote Lucanis.)

They probably should've kept her and let her write a lot more than that. The game would've been so much better. It might’ve actually approached good.

Instead of something that when my partner saw me loading it up he said 'wow, you look like you're about to be tortured'.

Rueful face. So much of this game has felt like torture that having two sections on the same day that were legitimately good is odd.

The ones with Taash in Rivain were fun or sad, depending. But still well written and put together.

Still seem to have more to do. Gonna play for a few more hours. It's rare and nice that it's actually curiosity I'm feeling while logging in tonight, vs. any of the gamut of yucky emotions this game has treated me to.

Oh! Before I forget and in the name of attempting to provide a fair review, I do really love the light puzzles and ancient elven tech stuff. That's been a great deal of fun.

There are good parts to this game, but they just don't make up for the shit.

...

A. Single. Meaningful. Glance. As an intimate scene? Fucking DAO had better than that! Are they serious? Is there more in the final sequence? Dear gods, if I'd paid for this game I'd be bloody furious. Incandescently, explosively furious.

Let's talk about consumer expectation. It's something anyone hoping to sell things has to be aware of.

In its, what, 14 year Dragon Age history? Bioware has set certain expectations with their market share. As I mentioned, DAO, while dated and with poor graphics, actually had something extremely suggestive for the intimate scenes. You had no doubt what the characters were doing. Same went for DA2. Not much actual nudity, but again, no bloody question about what was going on. In DAI, some was sweet, some was saucy, but it was even more clear what was happening.

So the expectation for a behind door scene that you got to see has been set. If there had always been fade to black meaningful stares for the intimate scenes, fine, whatever. But that has not been Bioware's history. And it certainly isn't their gaming market's expectation.

Expectation isn't as important in a standalone game. There's no weight of expectation like there is in series work. Unfortunately for everyone who bought this game, the expectation of so many years and so much material has been firmly set. And a long, searching, intense look doesn't cut it. Are all the Romances like that? I don't have the stomach to replay it that many times to find out.

I still have to finish the final sequence. So it's possible my utter disappointment will be fixed, but given the way Bioware has structured its games in the past, the Romance parts were finished before the final sequence.

My level of disappointment with this game has been high all along, but this is indeed the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

Hah! And to think I'd actually hoped for an intimate scene between Solas and Inky! (Hysterical, breathless, cackling. OMFG.)

The problem with market expectation? And not meeting it? Is that you utterly lose the confidence and trust of the people who buy your stuff. And that means they're less likely to buy your stuff again. I certainly won't ever buy anything Bioware makes again. I'm out. I'll enjoy the previous games, but if I'm right about my predictions? Veilguard doesn't exist as part of my universe. I'll pretend it wasn’t ever made. Unless I decide to write a long fix-it fic. Because OMFG.

If, as an author, I shifted from rather explicit, panties-melting intimate scenes to closed door fade to black... I would be betraying my reader's expectations and losing their trust.

If this is it for the intimate scenes? Oh man. Bioware, you fucked up.

Pre-play pithy commentary

If you want to skip the snarky paragraph ^?

13th review here.

[eolewyn1010]

Downton Abbey Fashion 15 - post-war indoors fashion

I already need three posts to go through all of the indoors fashion of this season, and it’s only the second. Can you imagine how many posts I will need once they have 200 and more costumes introduced in one season?

Edith has been wearing this blouse to a walking suit before, but now we get an uncovered look at it. Quite cute; while the color isn’t super exciting, these little flower bundles do their thing. And the little black button rows under the collarbones? So unnecessary, yet so lovely.

The art deco blouse is BACK, baby! Have I mentioned I like these? They are something to look at, but they also are cut quite wide and seem comfy. Very brown outfit; once again, this might’ve benefitted from a contrasting skirt. But I like the little scallops embroidered on the top of the waistband, and they seem to have liked it too, as this skirt gets another moment on stage. Also, this was Sybil’s last season, and I hate only noticing repeats like this in hindsight because it messes with my statistics.

Here, it goes with a greenish grey blouse. Edith has a lot of indoors day outfits this season because, during the war, we mainly see her working in the house. She hasn’t quite grown into her confidence yet, daring a print pattern here and there, but rarely a bold color.

Well, polka dots are one of the patterns that turn me off like garlic blooms do Dracula. Edith kind of looks like a librarian here, but I guess that is one of her jobs for the convalescing soldiers. I wonder if the apron is her own or she had to get one from Downstairs.

Is this dress grey or lilac? I’ll tentatively say lilac. The stripes don’t pick me up as they usually do. Maybe they would have more impact if it weren’t for the white lace-ish embroidery around the collar. The dress is fine, I guess; it just doesn’t wow me. Edith, do you wish to become one with the curtains?

See, this is the outfit I meant that looks a lot like one Mary wore during the same season. Only Edith has a round buckle where Mary chose a square one, Edith wears a slightly brighter red, and the lapels of her blouse are longer, but they also end in these little tassels. I also think the cuffs are worth a second look; they are buttoned up, and these buttons are cute. What is it with me and buttons?

This sort of washed-out emerald green becomes one of Edith’s signature colors. It’s almost a shame to introduce it in such understatement, but I do like the structural weaving on this shirt. Interestingly, she wears it again years later in season 4, and it fits into an entirely different fashion just by virtue of how she wears it: Loosely over her skirt instead of gathered in at the waist.

Speaking of color understatements. Edith does have a quite brown- and grey-dominated wardrobe this season, but alright; she at least gets to play with some patterns. And the silk ribbon trim is back.

And a dress where I really don’t mind the dull color so much because the cut is so neat. It compliments her figure, the neckline is flattering, I love the buttoned front and cuffs. Look out, Mary; fashionista Edith is on her way.

--------------

Sybil also gets another of these blouses, and she also gets some soft lilac to wear. I’m not the biggest fan of this big-ass flower print (I can’t help it; I’m a sucker for art deco), but the overall picture is rather lovely. Wouldn’t want to wear this buckle though; that probably pokes her in the stomach if she ever leans forward. Or maybe not; this is still corset time.

We gotta appreciate the simple things. There’s nothing fancy about this knit cardigan. But oh my god, I want one! It looks so supremely cuddly and warm. You know things are bad when I consider taking up knitting again.

More lilac because Sybil is still in her pastel phase, but this blouse has a cute checkered print. And I’m bringing back the apron question, although with Sybil, I at least have a solid reason to think she got one from Downstairs – because she walked up to them and asked for help with everyday knowledge such as basic cooking.

Look at Sybil being one of maybe three people in this house who ever show Edith any kindness and support. I mean, look at this blouse! I don’t know if this is Sybil’s farewell to light blue, but it may well be her farewell to wide, flat collars. The folded lapels give this a little extra though, and so does the tiny strip of lace trim. Yeah, alright; I’ll admit it: This look is another favorite.

This shouldn’t be too noteworthy, except it’s the outfit in which Sybil runs away from home and gets all the way to the next inn. I appreciate that Edith and Mary found her sleeping fully clothed in a separate bed; Branson would have come off as a little too pushy otherwise. I wonder if Sybil picked this on purpose because it doesn’t look like much. Someone running around in a grey skirt and a white blouse devoid of decoration except for a little simple lace on the collar is not who you’d suspect of being one of the young Crawley ladies.

This isn’t so much indoor fashion as it is a work uniform. I don’t have a category specifically for that because it would be a lonely outfit there; since nurses aren’t service workers, I didn’t want to put Nurse Crawley in with the staff of Downton. Anyway. Grey dress with white cuffs and white collar, grey arm band with a Red Cross on it, white apron – it’s all very practical and, obviously, very uniform. I was a little surprised at the head wrap, I’ll admit; I’m more used to nurses of the time wearing these starched little veil caps, but I also don’t know enough to compare specifically British WWI nurses. So I wonder if this was a fashion choice or a historical one.

[bwabys-scenarios]

Fixer Upper

Part 17

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

part 16

part 18

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

warning: Kurapika is really mean to reader in this chapter :(

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(Name) attempted to snuggle into Kurapika’s chest, only to be met with the absence of warmth where he should have been. Her eyes fluttered open to see his side of the bed empty.

“Pika?”

His satchel was gone, and after a quick around the apartment, she realized he was also gone.

She was worried, after last night he shouldn’t be out alone. (Name) attempted to call him, waiting a moment before a wave of nausea overtook her.

“The number you’ve dialed has been disconnected. Please try again after the beep.”

She stared down at her phone, hand trembling. ‘No… no there has to be some sort of explanation. He wouldn’t…’

(Name) took a deep breath, setting her phone on the counter before taking out the ingredients for breakfast.

“(Name)!”

She jumped, turning to see Leorio, Gon, and Killua walking in. “God I’m starving. Really should have taken you up on th-“

(Name) rushed forward, eyes wide. “Leorio, let me borrow your phone.”

Leorio blinked, handing over his phone without hesitation. “What’s wrong, sunshine? Phone broken?”

She didn’t answer, Killua stepping forward. He watched as she scrolled until Kurapika’s contact showed up, clicking the call button.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

‘Hello, this is Kurapika Kurta, the Blacklist Hunter. I am unable to get to the phone right now, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.’

(Name)’s hand trembled, Leorio having to place both of his hands on her shoulders to keep her from falling.

“(Name)! What’s the matter?”

She handed back his phone, unable to look him in the eye.

“I think… I think Kurapika blocked me.”

———————

(Name) sat at the kitchen table, picking at her food as her friends attempted to comfort her.

“I’m sure it’s some kind of mistake, (Name)! Kurapika cares about you a lot. You’re his favorite!” Gon said, patting her back.

“Yeah, he kind of adores you. I don’t think you should worry.” Leorio said in agreement. (Name) held her tummy, staring at the ground.

“I… I want to believe that, I really do…”

‘But there’s too many things adding up that say otherwise…’

Leorio scooted closer, wrapping an arm around her. “Come on, princess, don’t frown. I swear, it’s probably some kind of accident. You know Kurapika, he can be a bit ditzy sometimes.”

(Name) sighed, bringing a hand up to rub at her temple. “Yeah…”

She gave them a tired smile. “Alright boys, what’s on the agenda for today?”

After a quick debriefing on the current situation, the girl got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. “How’s this?”

“Well.”

(Name) raised an eyebrow at the white haired boy. “Well what?”

“I mean… all I’m saying is that I wouldn’t wear that top with that color of pants…”

(Name) looked down, then sighed. “Aight, I’ll be right back.”

She changed into a knee length skirt and cardigan, throwing on a pair of leg warmers with her Mary Janes. “How about this?”

“It’s… better.”

(Name) snickered. “You know, you could be a little fashion designer, Killua. You’ve got a real good eye for it.”

He blinked. He had been teasing her beforehand, but her comment caught him off guard. “Oh.”

(Name) handed him a box of apple juice. “Here, carry Gon’s too, he always spills his.”

The three found themselves following behind her, even though they were the ones that knew where they were going.

“(Name), do you know where we’re going?”

She paused, glancing back at her friends. “Oh, um…”

She answered by moving to the back and standing behind them. “Lead the way!”

———————

(Name) sipped on her favorite milkshake, Leorio occasionally feeding her pieces of his cake. “Hmm… what are we doing again?”

Killua smiled, his eyes darting to the left. “Hunting them, of course.”

The girl hummed. “Hmm… hunting? You know I forget that as hunters we… hunt. I know it’s in the name and everything, b-“

She glanced between Gon and Leorio, the two looking increasingly nervous. “Gon? Leorio? What wrong?”

“I forget you don’t know how dangerous our targets are. Those two have A Class Bounties.”

“What does that even mean? A class bounties, that means nothing to me.”

“They’re worth a lot of money and have killed hundreds of people.”

“Oh. Well that is quite unfortunate.”

Leorio snickered next to her. “(Name)… what do you know about the Phantom Troupe?”

“… not a lot if I’m being honest, besides them being the ones that…”

She went quiet, twiddling her thumbs.

“The ones that killed Kurapika’s clan.”

The entire table went silent at Killua’s words. (Name) glanced out the window. “So which ones are our targets?”

Killua glanced to a man and woman sitting at one of the tables. The woman had pink hair in a ponytail, and the man had black hair in a ponytail.

“Siblings?” (Name) asked. Killua pinched her cheek.

“Having the same hairstyle doesn’t make people siblings, (Name).”

Leorio pinched her other cheek. “Hey, don’t stare at them, you’ll make it obvious we’re watching them.”

“Guys, I don’t think (Name) can respond with you pulling both of her cheeks.”

They blinked, letting her go. “Ahh…” she rubbed her cheeks, frowning at her friends. “That hurt, you know…”

She poked her tongue out at the two before continuing to sip on her milkshake.

“The moods completely changed.”

(Name) felt a shiver run up her spine, glancing between her friends to see the same frazzled expression on each of their faces.

“There’s so much tension, it’s scary.”

“What, did they spot us?”

“No, they haven’t spotted us yet, so just stay calm.”

(Name) tuned them out, bending down to rummage through her bag. “Hmm… I have a good remedy for this.”

She pulled out a pair of hello kitty sunglasses, shoving them over her eyes. “Now they can’t see where I’m looking!”

The three could only sigh. “I think those will only draw attention to you, sunshine.”

——————

“They’re on the move, so what are we gonna do? And remember, if we fight these guys we’re gonna lose.” Killua said, setting his cup on the table.

“Well, we’re not just going to sit here and let them walk away are we?” Leorio asked, gesturing towards the two. Killua raised an eyebrow at this, the tall man quickly putting his hands down.

“Right, we’ve come this far, we’re not going to come back now.” Gon agreed.

“Okay, you three are going to have to listen and do exactly as I say.”

(Name) listened as he explained his plan, stopping him midway through. “… and where do I come in?”

He clamped his mouth shut, not answering her question.

“Killua?”

“…”

The white haired boy sighed. “Listen, maybe it’s best if… if you didn’t come with us.”

(Name) set her bag back down, pulling her sunglasses off. “Why? I don’t understand.”

“(Name)…”

Gon placed a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t know how to do Zetsu, it’s not s-“

(Name) huffed. “Oh come on. I thought you would all stop underestimating me after the Hunter Exam. Haven’t I proven myself enough?”

“(Name), it’s not like that. You can’t-“

“I can! Just… just explain Zetsu to me.”

The two glanced at each other before beginning a short explanation.

“Oh, you mean this?”

(Name)’s face changed to a more neutral expression, staring into the wall.

Her two younger friends blinked. “She’s… she’s doing it!”

She laughed. “It’s basically like masking, but adding some nen into the mix!”

“Masking?”

“It’s pretending to not be… me.”

Leorio stared at her, eyes narrowing before going wide. “Wait… masking? Do you mean…”

“I’m autistic.”

The whole room went quiet, all three of them going silent. “Autistic?”

She nodded. “Oh, did I not tell you? I forget some people don’t just… know. Usually they can pick me out like sharks with a drop of blood in the water.”

“I mean, I thought you were a bit odd…”

“I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“Oh shit is that offensive? Sorry, sunshine. You’re just… not…”

“Normal?”

“Oh god.”

(Name) snickered, smacking his back. “Aww, I’m just teasing. I understand you don’t mean anything by it.”

He sighed in relief. “Autism or no autism, I’d still tap th-“

“Okay that’s enough speaking for now, sweetheart.”

Gon piped up shyly. “I’m also autistic.”

Killua and Leorio gasped. “WHAT?”

(Name) laughed. “I knew there was something about you!”

She ruffled his hair. “One of us! One of us!”

Killua, who didn’t know what autism was, groaned. “Ok, ok, she’s got autism or whatever. We’re going to lose them, come on you’re with me.”

He grabbed (Name)’s wrist before they left.

——————

Killua helped (Name) up onto the top of a building, calling Gon to report on their situation. The girl crouched down, putting her sunglasses back on.

They followed the two quietly, (Name) noticing Killua getting more and more anxious by the second.

They waited stood near the window in an abandoned building, occasionally peeking out to look at the two Phantom Troupe members.

They were standing in the middle of the abandoned part of town, staring out into nothing.

“What do you think, Killua?” Gon asked over the phone, (Name) leaning in so she could hear the conversation,

“They’re either waiting for someone, or they’re trying to draw us out.”

“Do you think they’ve discovered we’re following them?”

“There’s a 50/50 chance, but even if they are on to us, they still don’t know where we are. They’re trying to wait us out, acting as though nothings wrong, hoping that we’ll give away our position.”

“So now what?”

“For now let’s just sit tight, who knows, maybe they are just waiting for somebody.”

RING!

RING!

Killua gasped, his hand reaching out to grab (Name)’s wrist. “Gon, I’m going to hang up, so listen carefully. If any of us sees anything suspicious, we don’t even question it, we just get out of here. In fact, the the next time you hear your phone ring don’t answer it, just run!”

(Name) readied her dagger, back pressed against the wall as they stared at the Phantom Troupe members.

The man turned his head slightly, his eye landing on the window they had been looking out of.

Killua grabbed (Name)’s arm and attempted to make a run for it, but a man blocked the entryway.

He pushed her onto the ground and began bouncing off the walls attempting to create enough momentum to be able to attack the man.

He launched himself forward, his leg being caught. Killua held onto the floor and spun out of his grasp.

“Hey Phinks.”

Killua turned his head to see the man from before, arm wrapped around (Name)’s neck. “I certainly didn’t expect see you here. I thought you were helping Chrollo take care of that other thing.”

(Name) choked out a gasp. “Killua, run!”

Killua’s eyes went wide when he squeezed her tighter, causing her to claw at his arm in vain.

“So, kiddo, I have a couple of questions I’d like to ask you.”

(Name) passed out from the lack of oxygen, the man keeping a good hold on her. “Ah, you better answer succinctly, or this little lady will die.”

——————

(Name) woke up to the sound of something slamming against rock. She blinked her eyes awake, yawning. “Mmm… gotta pee…”

She felt someone’s hand cover her mouth. (Name) attempted to struggle, but when her eyes met the ones looking down at her, she stilled.

It was killua, and he looked terrified. Her head was lying in his lap, and her memory was slowly coming back.

“She’s awake. Need to question her too.”

(Name) blinked when she was pulled to her feet, Killua having to be held back from doing anything.

Her brain was still fuzzy from sleep, but they didn’t seem to care.

“What do you know about chain user?”

She blinked at the shorter man, eyebrows furrowing. “Wait… I know you…”

The room went quiet as she gasped, reaching to rummage through her bag. When she did this, the man in front of her grabbed her arm and wrenched it behind her back. “Don’t move, or kill you.”

“H-hey!”

She wiggled against him, the man holding a sharpened claw against her neck. “I said don’t move.”

“Listen to him, (Name)! He’s not playing around!”

She settled down, panting slightly from the pressure of the situation. “Okay, okay. I’m still.”

“Good.”

He tore her backpack from her hands, dumping the contents onto the ground. She stayed where she was, embarrassed to have her butt perched in the air and her face pressed against some rocky surface.

“Knew it, little thief.”

He held up his wallet, pocketing it before pressing down against her lower back. “Thief? I didn’t steal anything!”

“Really? Then why my wallet in your bag?”

“You dropped it, and I picked it up! I was planning on returning it to you in case I saw you again.”

The man scoffed, twisting her arm harder until she cried out in pain. “Tell the truth, girl, before I really break it.”

“I am telling the truth!”

The man glanced to the woman with short brown hair standing nearby. “Paku.”

Pakunoda nodded, walking over before grabbing (Name)’s face. (Name) squeaked as her cheeks were squished between the woman’s fingers.

“Did you steal from Feitan?”

“No!”

She hummed, tilting (Name)’s face with her hand before letting go. “She’s telling the truth. Fei, you should be more careful.”

The man grumbled, letting her go. (Name) glared at him as she rubbed her arm.

“Answer question.”

“Huh?”

She could feel the man’s frustration coming off of him in waves. “Do you know chain user?”

She whispered. “Chains, as in… bdsm? OUCH!”

(Name) was shoved back onto her tummy, arm wrenched behind her back. “Think you’re funny?”

“I mean, somet- AH!”

He twisted her arm, causing her to wiggle around again. “Stay. Still.” he hissed against her ear.

“Do you know chain user?”

“No, I don’t.”

She held her back from saying something snarky, the pain in her arm becoming almost unbearable. “If she’s lying, she’s good at it.” Paku said, leaning against the wall.

Feitan finally let her go, the girl collapsing next to Killua. He didn’t move, only sparing her a worried glance before turning his attention back to Gon.

He had been arm wresting with Nobunaga for a while now, his hand red from being slammed against the makeshift stone table.

“Again.”

(Name) stood, standing next to Killua. She wasn’t as good at hiding her emotion as the young boy was, eyebrows furrowing.

“Hey, he’s had enough. Stop i-“

When she walked forward to try and stop the man, she felt a thread wrap around her neck.

“Don’t move, or your head will be sliced clean off.”

A woman with pink hair stood behind her, hands spread out slightly to hover around her sides. (Name) stayed still, lip trembling. She tuned back into Gon and the long haired man’s conversation.

“I don’t know anything, and even if I did, I’d never tell you!”

“Kid! You too cocky!”

“Gon!”

Gon was pinned to the makeshift table by Feitan. Killua began to step forward, but was stopped by Hisoka placing a card to his neck.

(Name) was kept still by Machi, the girl growling lowly. She seethed quietly as they spoke to each other. Feitan let him go, Machi allowing to her join Gon and Killua.

She pulled them towards her, eyes scanning the room as the two spoke with each other.

“Alright, we’ll let them go since they’re not related to the chain user.”

“Yeah, no point in keeping them around.”

“Wait, we can’t be sure, someone must be pulling the strings behind the scenes. We shouldn’t release them until we figure out who they get their orders from.”

“But even if they are working for someone, it’s not the chain user. Actually, I’m sure that guy works alone anyways.”

(Name) noticed the dark haired man staring at her, quirking an eyebrow in his direction. He looked away when she made eye contact.

“Our objective is to find the chain user, so let’s not concern ourselves with anyone else.” The blonde haired man in purple said.

“Hear that? Good for you. You get to go home to mommy now.” Feitan cooed.

“No, they aren’t going anywhere. Hey kid, why don’t you join us?”

Nobunaga smiled at the boy, who clenched his fists by (Name)’s side. “No way!”

“We could be partners.”

“You gotta be kidding me, I’d rather die than be your partner!”

(Name) pulled him back a little, patting his cheek. “Gon, don’t test him.”

She felt herself being pulled back by strings again. “Speaking of people joining…”

The pink haired girl from before pulled (Name) in by the waist. She squeaked, earning a squeeze from the girl.

“I want to nominate this one.”

The entire room went quiet, Gon and Killua staring wide eyed at their older friend.

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day where Machi was interested in someone.” Phinks said, kneeling down to get a better look at (Name)’s face. She tolerated the tall man roughly grabbing her cheeks to turn her face in several different directions before he hummed. “She is cute, is this your type?”

Machi huffed. “That’s irrelevant. I have a hunch about this girl.”

“Hunch?”

Machi nodded. “She’s not that strong now, but I have this feeling that she’ll become strong enough to be a great ally to us.”

“Your hunch usually right.” Feitan said, leaning against a wall.

“I’ll be taking her. Do what you want with the kids.”

——————

(Name) walked stiffly through town, Machi keeping a firm hand on the small of her back. The pink haired woman was getting some minor shopping done, and when she stopped by an ice cream shop, she ordered herself a waffle cone and looked to (Name).

“Go ahead. Place your order.”

‘What is this, some kind of date?’

(Name) glanced at the woman before turning to the employee and placing her order. She licked her ice cream as they continued walking.

“You didn’t give me an answer. Do you want to join us?”

“No, I don’t.”

Machi hummed, working on her own serving of ice cream. “You should rethink your answer. Working with us means you would become stronger, be able to do what you want and take what you want.”

“And at what cost?”

Machi paused, glancing to the girl next to her. “Hmm?”

“If getting what I want means I have to kill others, then it isn’t worth it to me. I’d rather live the rest of my life with nothing than kill others for financial gain.”

Machi scoffed. “I bet you’ve never been without basic necessities. You wouldn’t last a day with nothing.”

(Name) pouted, but Machi wasn’t exactly wrong. Even when she had nothing, she still had her friends to rely on. Leorio took her in, feeding and taking care of her even when she was at her lowest.

“… maybe you’re right, but as long as I have my friends, I’ll truly never have nothing.”

Machi was about to continue to persuade her, but all of a sudden a chill ran up her spine, the vision of red eyes coming and going so quickly it nearly made her head spin.

For some reason, keeping a hand on (Name) felt dangerous, as if keeping her captive would only spell her doom.

Machi pulled her hand away, causing the girl to blink. “Huh?”

Machi stepped away slowly. “Go.”

(Name) tilted her head, face scrunching up in confusion.

“Go! Before I change my mind!”

(Name) didn’t need to be told again. She dropped her half finished ice cream cone and sprinted away, the pink haired woman watching her go.

‘That girl… she’s tied to someone dangerous. Maybe she isn’t a good fit for the Troupe after all…’

——————

(Name) was met by Leorio outside her apartment, the man nearly bursting into tears. “(Name), holy shit!”

She groaned when the man pulled her into a bear hug, squeezing her so tight she felt her back crack. “Can’t… breathe!”

He released her, now pressing a kiss to her forward as he cupped her cheeks. “I was so worried, Killua and Gon told me everything.”

“Speaking of… Killua and Gon…”

She took a minute to breathe, the man supporting her so she didn’t fall over. (Name) coughed, Leorio noticing her expression and quickly snatching her bag to rummage through it.

“Here!”

He held up her inhaler, letting her take a puff before pulling it back. She took a second to breath before pulling her inhaler back to take another puff.

“Deep breaths, (Name).”

She nodded, calming down finally. “Take me to the boys.”

He carried her up the stairs to her apartment, texting the boys on the way. Sometimes (Name) forgot how strong her silly, lovable friend was. He was carrying her with one arm, using the other to open up her apartment door.

“(Name)!”

Both of the boys rushed out to greet her, jumping into Leorio’s arms. “Hey!”

He grumbled, allowing them to pull her towards them. Gon was tearing up, Killua shaking the girl. “How did you escape? What the hell happened?”

“Well… escaped isn’t the right way to put it.”

After an explanation and a lot of hugs, (Name) collapsed onto the couch. “Leorio, love, can you order takeout? I’ve got a bad case of noodle legs.”

“On it, sunshine.”

The two boys joined her on the couch, Killua poking at her cheek. She ignored this, soon passing out.

——————

(Name) woke up to the sound of the TV turning on. Killua and Gon sat in front of her couch, still in their pajamas as they munched on bowls of cereal.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes before shuffling to the kitchen. A box of takeout from her favorite restaurant sat on the counter, her name written in Leorio’s handwriting on the front.

‘I love him.’

She glanced out the window, seeing the sun rising in the sky. ‘Morning already? I really passed out.’

She ate her takeout, not caring that her two friends stared at her with raised eyebrows. She plopped down onto the couch and watched them play video games while she ate.

“Ah, Killua, we need to get dressed soon if we’ll be ready in time.”

The white haired boy nodded, stretching. “Yeah, and I still need a shower. Are you taking one first, (Name)?”

She raised an eyebrow. “A shower? I can take one later. I don’t have any plans.”

Killua and Gon glanced at each other then back to her. “… (Name)…”

“What?”

“Didn’t you… didn’t you get a text from Kurapika saying to meet him in the park?”

From her expression, they assumed that was a no.

“…”

(Name) looked down at her box of takeout, slowly closing it and standing up.

“Hey, (Name), I’m sure it’s some kind of mistake! Maybe he assumed we’d tell you, so he didn’t bother asking!” Gon said, following her as she brought her plate to the kitchen. Killua was close behind, giving his older friend a worried look.

“… maybe.”

Her answer was a lot less hopeful than her previous ones had been. The two glanced at each other again.

“Hey, why don’t you get ready and leave with Leorio later? We’ll meet up with Kurapika and test the waters. Then we’ll meet with you and Leorio at his hotel!”

Gon held her hand with both of his, giving her that kind smile that she just couldn’t say no to. “Alright, alright. That’s a good plan, Gon.”

(Name) stared at herself in the bathroom mirror after her shower, looking over her makeup. ‘… a little bit of makeup will be fine. It’s a special occasion after all, I’m seeing my friend again properly.’

Her face heated up when she thought about their night spent together with him in her arms. Did he regret it? Was that why he’d blocked her?

Her heart felt heavy, but she pushed her feelings aside. ‘He’ll need my support, so I can’t think about trivial things like that.’

(Name) looked over her reflection, smiling. She looked nice, better than she had in a while.

She wore a soft blue sundress, paired with a white cardigan that hid the nasty bruise Feitan left on her arm. (Name)’s makeup was light, complimenting her natural features.

“Sunshine you look…”

Leorio stared at the girl as she excited the bathroom, cheeks turning pink. “You look amazing.”

(Name) blushed and waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, thanks. Let’s get going.”

Leorio escorted her by the arm to the hotel, opening the door for her. She laughed, leaning her head against his arm. “Thank you, Leorio. You’re really sweet.”

“Nah, I’m not sweet for everyone. I’m just sweet on you.”

He playfully booped her nose, the girl breaking out into giggles. “Careful, you’ll smudge my makeup!”

“(Name)!?”

The two turned to see Kurapika standing near by, Gin and Killua at his side.

He looked both excited and nervous to see (Name) there, eyes scanning her form.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound Kurapika was able to hear was his thumping heartbeat.

Before he could process what was happening, (Name) wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. “I missed you, Pika.”

He didn’t respond, didn’t even hug her back, but didn’t push her away either. When she pulled away, he could only think of one thing.

‘She’s gorgeous.’

“It’s been a while since we were all together!” Gon said, smiling at the pair.

——————

(Name) gave Kurapika a peck on the cheek before she left the group to make some snacks in Leorio’s kitchen. He watched her go, eyes soft as she hummed to herself.

“She missed you a lot, Kurapika.” Gon said, giving Kurapika a shy smile.

“I… missed her too.”

(Name) walked back in, handing out cups of tea to everyone. Kurapika caught himself staring at her, looking away, but not quick enough.

“Pika? Need something?”

He shook his head, feeling his heart soar when she pulled him close again. “You sure? I’m here if you need me. I always will be.”

He allowed his hands to reach up and grasp the fabric of her soft cardigan. “…”

He didn’t say anything, just taking in her warmth as she gently ran her fingers through his hair. “It’s been a tough few days, huh?”

“Yes. Yes it has.”

The group smiled at this, internally cheering their friends on. ‘They’re finally reunited! Now Kurapika can watch over her again!’ Gon thought, beaming at the two.

“I’ll make some snacks, okay? You four just relax.”

She leaned down to press a few kisses to Kurapika’s cheek, the blonde leaning into her touch. “I’ll be quick.”

It was happening again, he was losing his will to leave. His eyes stayed glued to her form until she was out of sight, a familiar ache settling in his heart when he could no longer see her.

(Name) hummed as she chopped up some fruit, preparing a bowl of mixed fruit along with some crackers, cheese, and deli meat. ‘I bet Gon won’t even make a little cracker sandwich, he’ll just shove it all in his mouth.’

She giggled at this thought, but her small moment of joy didn’t last long. (Name) felt a shiver run up her spine, the girl running out of the kitchen.

“The corpses were fake. The ones we thought were dead weren’t! Of course, a conjurer could have pulled that off easily! Damn it, why didn’t I realize this sooner?”

(Name) flinched at his tone, inching forward. “Pika…”

She placed a hand on his shoulder, only for it to be harshly slapped away. (Name) gasped, pulling her hand back and holding it against her chest.

“The situation has changed. Now what? We’re here to help.”

“Right!”

“Yeah…”

Leorio glanced at (Name), taking note of her hurt expression. She tried not to take it personally, but she felt the atmosphere surrounding her Pika change. Instead of the warm, protective aura that made her feel safe, all she felt was a cold, violent rage.

——————

(Name) sat across from Leorio, shrugging her cardigan off.

“Yeesh, that’s a nasty bruise, (Name). If you told me before hand I would have gotten you some ice.”

She sighed, poking her lip out. “It’s not that bad, it barley even hurts.”

Leorio stood up. “How’d it go?”

“I couldn’t get a straight answer. I asked the community for any updates regarding the auction today, but no luck.”

(Name) turned her head slowly, giving Kurapika a sweet smile as he continued speaking. He didn’t return her smile.

“You have it all wrong, Leorio. I’m not counting on the mafia, far from it.”

(Name) stood up, attempting to give Kurapika a comforting touch, but he dodged her.

Unfortunately, as he did, he spotted the hand shaped bruise on her arm.

“…”

He felt his eyes turn scarlet, glad that he had his contacts in. “(Name)…”

He stepped foward, grabbing hold of her arm. “Who did this to you?”

For some reason, (Name) felt… frightened. The intensity of his tone had her unable to speak.

“She was captured by the Phantom Troupe when Gon and Killua were. She was hurt then.” Leorio answered for her, staring at Kurapika’s hand that gripped (Name)’s arm.

He felt his heart thump against his chest, bile rising in his throat. “…”

“(Name), I need you to listen to me carefully.”

He pulled her closer, staring into her eyes. “You need to leave, and never speak to me again. Do you understand? The path I walk is dangerous a-“

“No!”

He faltered, eyes widening.

“No..?”

She huffed, pulling her arm away. “I don’t care if it’s dangerous, Pika, I won’t leave you. You’re important to me, and I want to help you as much as I can!”

His heart sank. Within moments, his world can crashing down around him. ‘No… no I can’t let her…’

His hands began to shake, breath coming out in uneven pants as he imagined her attempting to fight against one of the Troupe members. The only outcome he could think of would be her death.

And he couldn’t let that happen.

‘I didn’t want it to come to this. Anything but this.’

He took one last look at the woman in front of him, steeling himself.

“Do you honestly think you could do anything that would be of use to me?”

(Name) blinked, the tall man behind her not knowing if he had heard his blonde friend correctly.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don’t play dumb, (Name). Everyone here knows how weak you are, how much of a burden you’ve become to us. Tell me, what exactly do you bring to the table besides being the equivalent of a little house wife?”

She stepped back slightly, looking confused. “Pika… pika why are you saying these things to me?”

“Why?” he laughed bitterly, staring at her with those cold, unforgiving gray eyes. “Because I’m tired of pretending you don’t make me sick to my fucking stomach, (Name).”

Tears began beading at the corners of her eyes. “You don’t mean that!”

“I don’t? You’re even more of a moron than I thought you were. Can’t you put two and two together, (Name)?”

“Kurapika.” Leorio warned, stepping forward. The blonde shot him a look before turning his attention back to (Name).

“I’ve always had a soft spot for pitiable creatures like you, (Name). When I saw you struggling to do the simplest tasks during the Hunter exam, I couldn’t help taking pity on you. And look, you did something right for once! You sure did keep me warm during the fourth phase. Looks like you are useful for something, even if all that is, is being a warm body.”

Leorio was about to charge forward, but (Name) stopped him. “Pika, you don’t-“

“Again with the ‘Pika’. God you’re annoying. It’s been so fucking hard pretending to be okay with that stupid nickname of yours. If I hear it one more time I’m going to puke.”

He stepped forward, grabbing her chin and tilting her face up to look at him. “You know, I thought maybe after getting your license, you’d become stronger, become something other than the pathetic loser you’ve been since the first phase.”

He let her go, walking past her. “Look like I was wrong, though. I feel stupid for thinking you could have been of some kind of use to me.”

One more time, (Name) attempted to stop him. “Pika, please-“

“Don’t you ever call me that again. The next time you do…”

He trailed off, his eyes growing wide at the sight of her face. His tactic had worked, maybe a bit too well, she looked absolutely broken, her makeup running down her face along with her tears.

“But… but I love you. I don’t want to leave you.”

He turned back away, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her tears away.

“Maybe one day someone will love you back.”

Kurapika left then, Leorio chasing after him. (Name) was left to her own devices, only able to stare at the floor in shock.

Her Pika, the person that gave her a new reason to live, had just shattered her heart. As she attempted to pick up the pieces, she tripped, scraping her knee. “Ow!”

She glanced up to see Kurapika walking away. He didn’t turn, didn’t acknowledge her yelp of pain in anyway.

“I’ll always be there to catch you.”

‘Liar…’

(Name) sat in the hotel lobby, placing a bandaid over her knee. She thought back to the look on Kurapika’s face.

She’d never seen him look at her like that before, with eyes so cold, so angry that she could barely recognize the man she loved behind them.

Leorio ran back in, eyes scanning the room until he saw her. “(Name)! Are you… no of course you’re not okay.”

He pulled her close, almost more worried that she wasn’t sobbing into his chest than he would have been if she did.

“I can’t believe him! That behavior is unacceptable, I won’t be friends with someone who-“

“Leorio.”

He stopped, looking down to see (Name) giving him a big smile. “I’m alright. I’m sure he’s just taking out his anger on me. People say the worst things when they’re angry, you know?”

Leorio hesitated. “I get that, but-“

She shook her head. “But nothing. You should get back to him. He needs your help, Leorio.”

“…”

He took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll do it, but only because you asked me to, okay?”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

Leorio glanced back several times as he left, almost as if he was scared that once she was out of his eyesight, she’d disappear.

(Name) watched him go, only relaxing when she couldn’t see him anymore.

‘…’

—————

(Name) walked down the street, a pink umbrella in her hands. She hummed to herself, trying to keep her mind off of the incident that happened only an hour before.

‘He’s just having a bad day. Things like this happen. It’s normal.’

That’s what she kept telling herself, but every time she attempted to rationalize the way he spoke to her, she felt a part of her ache.

(Name) paused when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. “Leorio?”

“(Name), quick, head towards the hotel! You have to stop Kurapika before he does something stup-“

Leorio didn’t have to finish his sentence, (Name) began sprinting towards the hotel, dropping her umbrella in the process.

‘I need to maintain Zetsu. If he’s trailing the spiders like I’m assuming he is, they’d be able to sense my presence without it!’

As she ran, she felt her head spin. She didn’t want to think of Kurapika getting himself hurt, the thought of him dying nearly bringing her to her knees.

(Name) felt a hand cover her mouth as she was dragged into an alley. She struggled for a moment before she met the eyes of her beloved.

“Mmph!”

He held a finger to his lips, glancing out before pulling his hand away. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Coming to prevent you from doing something stupid.”

The blonde cursed. ‘Leorio must of called her.’

“Well the only stupid one here is you. Leave before you cause me any more headaches.”

She shook her head, grabbing his sleeve. He attempted to swat her away, but she grabbed his other hand. “I’m not leaving you, not until you’ve calmed down!”

He growled, glancing back out to see the spiders were on the move. Almost instinctually, he pulled her closer to him, pushing her behind his back to shield her from anything. ‘She can use Zetsu, that’s good… I can’t let her out of my sight, she’d be a liability to me and herself.’

He sighed before scooping her up into his arms, almost sighing in contentment at the feeling of her weight against him. It felt nice to hold her again, but he couldn’t indulge in that feeling for long. “Don’t speak, don’t even whisper after this. I won’t hesitate to drop you.”

It was a bluff, and he was hoping she wouldn’t notice.

She couldn’t help but nuzzle into his chest, sighing softly. (Name) could remember a time when he’d hold her whenever she wanted, always kind and gentle.

But the harsh grip her had on her was far from gentle, almost causing her pain. She tried to ignore it, but would whimper every time he squeezed her thighs as he peered out to watch the Phantom Troupe.

They chased after the group, (Name) spotting Gon running next to them. She was going to wave, but Kurapika suddenly dove into the alleyway when the Phantom Troupe turned to look at them.

He pressed himself against her, shielding her body from sight. His hand was over her mouth, eyes glued to the entryway of the alley.

She watched as chains manifested on his hands, quickly grabbing his hands and pushing them down. They were cold, much colder than the last time she held them.

Gon leaped out of his hiding spot, (Name) barely holding herself back from following behind him. Out of nowhere, Killua appeared next to them. He took one look at (Name) before walking out to join Gon’s side.

Kurapika kept a good grip on her, pulling her so close she struggled to breath. She felt his warm breath against her neck, his lips brushing against her shoulder as he attempted to calm himself.

——————

A short, balding woman met up with the two. Kurapika set (Name) down on her feet, gritting his teeth.

“Now that they’re on high alert, we have to keep our distance, otherwise they’re bound to notice us. Make sure you conceal your presence.”

“Damn it!” Kurapika growled.

“We just have to be patient!”

“I’m aware of that!”

“I don’t think you are! Your reckless pursuit exposed them to needless danger. Do you even know why they allowed themselves to be captured? If you get captured here, then no one will be able to stop the troupe.”

He glanced at (Name), eyes narrowing. “If I didn’t have to protect you, then maybe I could have gone after them.”

She frowned, once again reaching out for him. “Don’t touch me. You make me sick.”

Melody seemed confused by this statement. ‘But… his heart…’

“P-… Kurapika, I’m not trying to be a burden, I just want t-“

He cut her off with a scoff. “You’re not trying hard enough, it seems.”

Melody glanced between the two. The girls heart thumped against her chest, a confused and heartbroken song. It combined into a duet with Kurapika’s, that played a song of anger, determination, and overwhelming love.

(Name) stayed quiet as the two spoke, letting the rain soak into her clothes. She stared at the ground, eyes blurry with tears. She was almost grateful for the rain, it hid her tears well.

Though, Melody could tell just from her heartbeat alone that she felt great sadness. She couldn’t help but reach a hand out to comfort the girl. Kurapika noticed this, his fingernails digging into his palm.

Leorio finally caught up with them, parking beside them and getting out.

“We have to come up with a plan to get them back.” Kurapika said. (Name) began to speak up, but the blonde stopped her. “You need to go. You’ll only slow us down.”

She frowned at him. “I want to save Killua and Gon! I’m coming with you!”

He grabbed her wrist, squeezing it. “No… no (Name), you cant. I won’t let you.”

The girl pulled, Kurapika only increasing the pressure on her wrist when she did. She gasped, Melody covering her ears at the sharp CRACK!

Kurapika’s eyes went wide, immediately loosening his grip on her wrist. The girl wrenched her wrist away from the rage filled blonde, wincing at the pain blooming beneath her skin.

“I can, and I will. Why won’t you let me help you? You had no isssue with Gon and Killua-“

“That’s because they aren’t fucking weak like you!”

She flinched, using her arm to shield herself out of fear of him hurting her. Leorio was quick to rush forward and create a barrier between the two, shielding (Name) from Kurapika’s anger.

The blonde felt his stomach sink. ‘They… they think I’m going to hurt her.’

“Oh my god… your wrist, (Name)… it’s fractured.”

Melody covered her ears, whimpering at the mournful sound Kurapika’s heart was making. (Name) eyes prickled with tears. “H-hurts!”

“I know, I know sunshine. Just breathe. Shit, we need to get her to a hospital.”

“We don’t have time for that right now.” Kurapika steeled himself, casting his feelings aside.

“What the fuck do you mean? I-“

“He’s right. We have to save Gon and Killua first.”

(Name) held her arm to her chest, crying out in pain at the slightest of movements. Kurapika visibly flinched at this, having to use all of his willpower to remain calm and collected.

“If you can’t keep quiet, then we’ll leave you behind.” Kurapika said, smoothing out his disguise.

“You heartless bastard. How could you say that to her after everything she’s done for you?” Leorio said, eyes brimming with angry tears.

“Leorio, it’s okay. Just concentrate on the plan, I’ll be fine.”

They got into the car, speeding towards the hotel. Kurapika tried his best not to steal glances at the girl sitting next to him.

His instinct was telling him to do anything he could to help her, to ease her pain, but he couldn’t do that. Kurapika didn’t want to waste his nen when he knew he’d be needing it later.

It was hard to ignore her sniffling, even when she tried her best to hide it. “Can you shut up already?!” Kurapika snapped. His nerves were shot, the sound of his dearest friend in pain only worsening is state.

Her lip trembled as she attempted to keep quiet. Kurapika stared out the window so he wouldn’t see her hurt expression.

———————

(Name) sat in the backseat of their car as Kurapika and Leorio left for the hotel. Melody fidgeted with her coat, glancing back at the sullen girl while she thought of what to say.

“… dreadful weather, huh?”

The girl gave a small nod, wincing at the pain in her wrist. Melody’s heart ached for the poor girl. She was obviously in love with Kurapika, but the blonde had been unnecessarily cruel the entire night, and by the way the other two reacted, Melody assumed it was unusual for him to act in such a way.

And when it was quiet, all Melody could hear from the angry man was a melody of unbridled rage, with a undertone of a fierce and protective love. Kurapika definitely cared for this girl, so his actions confused the older woman greatly.

“My name is Melody. What is yours?”

The girl looked up, swiping at her tears with her uninjured hand. “I’m (Name).”

Melody smiled. “That’s a pretty name, perfectly fitting for a gorgeous woman such as yourself.”

This drew a giggle from the girl. “Ah, that’s better. Even your laugh is pretty. I know it’s hard, but try to dry up those tears, okay?”

(Name) nodded, sniffling a bit before wiping the rest of her tears away.

They would be back by 7:01, meaning they had around five minutes until Kurapika and Leorio would return with the leader of the Phantom Troupe in tow.

She busied herself with grabbing some painkillers from Leorio’s briefcase, glad she packed a juice pouch in her bag.

By the time she finished taking her medicine, the door on the other side of her opened, a man being shoved in the other side.

He was tall, with black hair and a handsome face. He glanced her way, seemingly taking every feature of hers in before looking back to his captor.

Kurapika was deadly silent, slamming the car door as Leorio sped off. (Name) glanced between the man next to her, to Kurapika, and to Leorio.

“… did it go well?” she asked, leaning forward a bit to look at Kurapika.

He didn’t answer her, didn’t even look at her. (Name) slumped back into her seat, a pout on her lips. The man watched her intently, eyes moving from her face, to her body, then to the bruised wrist she kept close to her chest.

“It’s okay. A number of the enemies were injured. They won’t move until reinforcements arrive.”

Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched when he noticed the man staring at (Name).

“What are you looking at?”

Chrollo turned to face forward. “Nothing. I didn’t expect the chain user to be a woman.”

“Did I say I was? You shouldn’t let appearances fool you.”

He pulled his wig off, sighing. “Anyway, you should mind what you say. Since it may be the last thing out of your mouth.”

“You won’t kill me. You left your precious friends behind.” He said softly, sending a charged look (Name)’s way. The girl shrunk under his gaze, Kurapika’s blood pressure rising.

“I’m not so composed that I will ignore your taunts!”

“Kurapika! That’s enough.” Leorio said, more for (Name)’s sake than anything. She looked rather uncomfortable, forced to sit next to the leader of the Phantom Troupe, who kept leering at her.

“The girl’s fortune didn’t mention this. Therefore, this event isn’t significant enough to matter.”

“YOU BASTARD!”

“Kurapika!”

(Name) leaned over Chrollo, putting a hand on the blondes arm to try and calm him.

“If you kill him, I’ll kick your ass!” Leorio yelled from the drivers seat.

Kurapika seethed, slowly leaning back into his seat, seemingly placated by (Name)’s touch.

Chrollo took note of this. “Do you need further explanation? I consider this situation the same as an afternoon coffee break. A peaceful outing.”

(Name) gasped when chrollo slammed into her. Kurapika had decked him right in the face, the girl crying out at his weight pressing into her hurt wrist.

“Calm down, Kurapika! We’re on equal footing, now. Nothing has changed.”

“Equal footing? You are sorely mistaken. First of all, you’ve made the wrong assumption. I have no value as a hostage.”

Chrollo leaned off of (Name), giving her a small smile that she couldn’t judge the sincerity of.

“If you insist on babbling-“

“He’s not lying. Everything he says is true.” Melody said, interrupting the blonde.

“There you go. This is reality. You people are the ones on the ropes.”

(Name) couldn’t hear or process anything, the throbbing pain of her wrist making her ears ring. She could see them speaking, see Chrollo say something that made Kurapika’s eyes go red with rage. (Name) felt Chrollo crash into her, this time with more force.

The side of her face made contact with the window, blood spurting out of her nose as she heard Leorio scream for Kurapika to stop.

And that’s when she blacked out.

——————

“Kurapika, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you think of anyone else but yourself when you fucking launched Chrollo into (Name)? For Christ’s sake she’s bleeding! She could have a concussion!”

“I know! I know…”

Leorio placed (Name) on her back, using his suit jacket as a pillow. Kurapika was knelt at her side, wiping the blood from her nose and trying to calm his racing heart. ‘(Name)… I’m so sorry.’

As Leorio left to grab his brief case, Kurapika knelt down to press a kiss to her lips. For a moment, all he felt was pure bliss, unable to stop himself from indulging in her warmth.

He pulled back, ashamed of himself. Kurapika couldn’t understand why he kissed her, why he wanted to do it again and again. His cheeks turned red, the pretty shade of scarlet that only (Name) ever got to see returning to his eyes as he gazed down at her.

“It’s not gentlemanly to kiss a woman when she’s unconscious.” Chrollo said, leaning back in his seat.

“Shut up, I don’t want to be lectured by a murderer.”

Kurapika glared at him before returning his gaze to the woman below him. He licked his lips, wincing at the metallic taste of blood on his tongue.

‘You deserve so much more than this, (Name). A happy life, where the man you love would never even think of hurting you, accidentally or not.’

He brushed the hair out of her face, moving to cup her cheek. ‘I’ll have to hurt you, over and over again. It’s for the best, I promise. Just forget about me, and find someone who will treat you like the angel you are.’

Leorio arrived, using his sparse medical tools in his briefcase to check over the girl. “God, sunshine, all beat up…”

He sent a glare in Kurapika’s direction, the blonde shrinking under his gaze. “… will she be okay?”

Leorio sighed. “I think so, but her wrist may be completely broken now. Before, it seemed like a fracture, but…”

Kurapika glanced down at her wrist, his eyes going wide at the sight. It was bent at an unnatural angle, his stomach heaving at the sight of her bone jutting against her skin.

“Oh god…”

Leorio did the best he could, wiping the sweat from her forehead. “After this, she’ll need to go to a hospital. You may have just fractured her wrist, but Chrollo landing on her did a lot of damage.”

“Fuck. FUCK!”

He hit the wall of the airship, Leorio sighing in exasperation at his friends temper.

If Kurapika had kept his rage under control, none of this would have happened. He was dangerous, the woman laying in front of him visual proof.

“Leorio… please listen to what I have to say.”

The man raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. “Go on.”

——————

(Name) blinked her eyes awake, groaning at the harsh light against her eyes.

“(Name)!”

“Oof!”

(Name) grunted when something collided with her, gasping out in pain when she was squeezed tightly. “Ow!”

“Gon!”

SMACK!

She groaned, opening her eyes again to see Killua, Gon, and Leorio surrounding her bed. Despite her pain, (Name) felt tears of joy well up in her eyes. “Gon! Killua!”

She attempted to pull them closer to her, put her left arm felt… heavy.

“Easy! You broke your arm, (Name).” Leorio said. “Gon, you can hug her, but you have to remember to be gentle.”

“Yes, Leorio!”

The two hugged her, Leorio joining in soon after. They all laughed, (Name) pressing kisses into their cheeks and foreheads. “I’m so glad you’re all safe. Where’s Kurapika?”

Leorio stiffened, his eyes looking everywhere but her. “He’s… recovering at a hotel near here.”

“Recovering? Oh god, he wasn’t hurt, was he?”

“No, he’s okay, his nen just took a lot out of him.”

(Name) straightened up, attempting to leave her hospital bed. “Okay, let’s go to him then.”

“Woah, slow down sunshine!”

He pushed her back down, eyes wide. (Name) struggled against him, a frown on her face. “I want to see him!”

Leorio glanced at the other two, thinking back to Kurapika’s words.

“Leorio… please listen to what I have to say.”

The man raised an eyebrow, looking up at him. “Go on.”

Kurapika sighed, staring down at the girl. “You may think I’m cruel, but I’m acting this way for her benefit. You’ve seen what happened today, what my anger can do, how dangerous being connected to me can be.”

Leorio nodded. He’d thought about the same thing. (Name) wasn’t like them. She didn’t have overwhelming strength like him, or unique powers like Gon or Killua. Leorio didn’t want her to be in a situation like this again.

“I… I’m going to cut contact with her after this. It’s the only way I can see her continuing to live her life safely.”

Leorio held onto (Name)’s uninjured hand, frowning. “It’s going to hurt her. She really loves you, and not just in a friendly way. She’s in-”

“Please, don’t say anything else.”

He glanced up to see Kurapika holding onto his shirt, tears beading in his eyes. “I… I think she’s a dear friend, and to keep her safe, I can’t be near her.”

‘No matter how much I want to be…’

Leorio sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I understand. I don’t like your methods, but…”

He cupped (Name)’s cheek, staring down at her with soft eyes. “I don’t want her to suffer like this ever again.”

Kurapika tried to ignore the unpleasant feeling blossoming in his chest at the sight of Leorio’s eyes. Those weren’t the eyes of a worried friend, they were the eyes of a worried man in love.

“… I’m still angry at you, Kurapika. You hurt her, and there will never be an excuse for that.”

The blonde lowered his head. “…”

“… but if I didn’t help you, she would cry. You’re the most precious person to her, after all.”

He almost sounded bitter, thumb rubbing against her cheek lovingly. Kurapika stood up.

“It’s time. Pakunoda should be here shortly.”

(Name) looked at Leorio expectantly, holding onto his sleeve with her free hand. “Please, Leorio.”

Leorio’s lip trembled. “Sunshine…”

“He doesn’t want to see you, (Name).” Killua spoke up, surprising (Name) and Gon.

“Huh? Why not?” Gon asked, glancing between the three.

Killua’s eyes narrowed when (Name) placed a hand over her cast at Kurapika name.

“He… he’s just not feeling well, (Name). He’s been asleep since-“

“Please.”

(Name) looked up at Leorio, tears streaming down her face. “P-please take me to my Pika! Please!”

And god, with her begging him like that, pawing at his shirt with her uninjured hand, Leorio couldn’t say no to her.

—————

(Name) sat down next to Kurapika’s bed, humming softly as her fingers ran through his hair. Even in his sleep, her touch seemed to calm him.

“How long has he been out for?”

“Around twelve hours.”

(Name) nodded, a single tear falling to land on his cheek. “Pika… I hate seeing you like this. I wish I could see you smile at me again.”

Leorio felt his heart break in two for the girl, Gon by her side. “It’s going to be okay, (Name)! I’m sure he’ll wake up soon!”

Killua blinked, pulling back Gon to whisper to him. “Gon, use Gyo.”

The boy did as he was told, gasping. “(Name) is…”

She was using nen, a faint aura surrounding her and Kurapika. They could feel Kurapika’s aura grow stronger slowly, a far cry from the weak one they’d sensed just moments before.

“Her nen ability… is she an enhancer?” Gon asked. It was obvious that she was healing him, the nen surrounding the blonde having a gentle and sweet feeling to it.

“Maybe… it seems she’s unaware that she’s using nen right now…” Killua felt his frown deepen.

‘I don’t understand why she’s still helping him, why she still loves him after everything he’s put her through…’

Leorio had trusted Killua enough to tell him some details, but Killua being the smart boy he was, pieced together the rest.

“Kurapika… he’s being harsh towards her to push her away, it seems.”

Killua scoffed. “While I think being near him is dangerous, hurting her is unforgivable.”

“I agree… but…”

Killua’s body stiffened when he finally put the final piece in place.

‘Kurapika is the one that broke her arm.’

(Name) stayed by Kurapika’s side for nearly two days, only leaving to use the bathroom. She slept with him in bed, Leorio sighing as he covered her and the blonde up after checking on them in the middle of the night.

—————

When Kurapika awoke, (Name) couldn’t help but cry out in joy. “Kurapika, you’re-“

“What the fuck are you doing here!?”

(Name) flinched at his harsh tone, eyes gone wide. “I wanted to make sure you were okay, I-“

“Leorio, I told you I didn’t want to see her! Why the fuck is she here!?”

“Kurapika, calm down, it’s-“

(Name) wrapped her arms around him. “Kurapika, please! I don’t understand, why do you keep saying these things? Y… you’ve never treated me like this before! What did I do to make you hate me so much?”

She cried into his shirt, blubbering out apologies. Kurapika didn’t have to pretend to act sick this time, he felt like he was going to throw up. ‘She’s… she’s apologizing to me…’

“Don’t touch me.”

He pushed her away, having to hide his eyes with his hair. “You disgust me. Being near you makes me sick to my stomach. Can’t you just leave me be? You’re like some kind of stalker.”

(Name) shook her head, holding onto his hand. “You don’t mean that, Kurapika. We’re friends, and I know-“

“(Name).”

She blinked, his cold, brown eyes staring into hers.

“My mission will always come before you. Always. If, for some reason, your death could benefit me in some way, I’d let you die without hesitation.”

(Name) stared at him for a second, in shock.

“Kurapika, you’ve said too much!”

Leorio slapped him, pulling (Name) away. The blonde took the hit, not even lifting a hand to cradle his now red cheek.

He stared at his hands, tears dropping onto his clenched fists. ‘Hopefully… hopefully that was enough.’

(Name) was completely quiet, allowing Leorio to lead her outside. “What a fucking dick. (Name), are you…”

His breath hitched in his throat at her expression. It was painfully familiar, the same look she had when sitting on the edge of the platform during the third phase.

“He…”

She stared at the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“He really meant that.”

Leorio pulled her into his arms, holding onto her tightly. He wanted her to sob, to be angry, she deserved that, but the only indication of (Name) still being alive was the tears that stained his suit and her beating heart.

“… I want to go home.”

——————

BACK IN THE PRESENT TIME

Kurapika glanced down at (Name) smiling softly as she leaned against his shoulder in her sleep. The smile slipped from his features when he remembered the image of her face falling when he yelled at her.

‘(Name)…’

He pulled his suit jacket over her form, looking out the window as the train continued on its journey to York New.

‘The last time we were in York New, I broke your heart.’ he thought, hand caressing her cheek. His gaze moved from the window and back to her, eyes softening when she nuzzled against him.

“Pika…”

His breath hitched. (Name) hasn’t used that name for him once since he’d returned to her life. He knew that was his own fault, but it didn’t change the fact that he missed it.

“Right here, angel.”

He pulled her a little closer, allowing himself to enjoy her comforting presence. She was still asleep, mumbling random things as she cuddled into him. ‘Is she… dreaming of me?’

His cheeks turned a light pink.

Kurapika was almost grateful for the long train ride. He’d get to spend that much more time with her, that much more time holding her, being in her presence.

And that’s all he could wish for.

[08melancholie]

Dutch Van der Linde and Micah Bell.

a slightly long look into their similarities :3

Posted about this on my tiktok and I still can never stop thinking about it… How Micah and Dutch are practically on the same level of 'evil' and that the only thing that separates them is the fact that Micah doesn't care enough to try and paint himself a good person, whereas Dutch does.

Dutch is presented as a 'charismatic leader', every sacrifice he makes is for the good of the gang — for his family. But, some of the things he does? Were they really a necessity? I'd argue not. He becomes more knowingly brutal by the last few chapters — which doesn't go unnoticed by the gang members either, like how they stare at him when he drowns Bronte, for example; they're all shocked he'd do that. It's unexpected and frankly, it's not what they do. That's also an example of his subtle brutality for me; why not just shoot him? How they normally would? I don't think that his rage and ruthless killing of Bronte was purely because he held onto Jack awhile, or that he tricked him with that robbery that went south; there's definitely something else that triggered the reaction.

Now, Micah is downright horrible — no sugarcoating it. He antagonizes everyone, kills ruthlessly and risks other people's lives. He abused the camp dog and other members like Reverend Swanson. He put Arthur — and himself at that — in danger all over his guns; when he could easily buy some new ones or get them after the news of his jailbreak die down. He's a villain, yes, a fairly good one. It's extremely hard to actually like him; as in his personality. As a character however, he is one of my absolute favorites in history of gaming antagonists. I hate him to my core, yes; but I will never deny how well he was written, how easily distasteful he is. But truthfully? He's simply an example of what a true gunslinger was like, back in the day.

wow im rambling abt Micah who would have thought..

I think that Rockstar has made Dutch just as perfect. Because, let's look at how many people who say they hate Micah and everything he does, — or stands for, etc. — also like Dutch. It'll be an extremely high amount, which is exactly what I feel like Rockstar wanted. They made Micah an easily hated villain, whereas Dutch was a easily liked villain. The Dutch charm; you see, it didn't exist in-game only. It charmed and manipulated you, the player just as much. I love Dutch myself, and hell, the charisma worked on me as well. I'm practically swoon over this 44-year-old bastard, honestly. That just simply furthermore proves my point of his personality and how he displays himself out to the world.

Now, Dutch likes to dismiss and manipulate.

We know this all too well, I reckon. His manipulation tactics start in chapter two, very early. There's a possible interaction between Arthur and Dutch where Dutch says something along the lines of, "I reckon you'll betray me in the end, Arthur" which he then repeats at least twenty times to him throughout the game; as we know. That is his manipulation tactic — you'll betray me. By the end of the last chapter we heard him say such things as "You don't trust me", "You'll betray me", "You've lost faith in me" and so on. But, I think it's very important that he's not asking. He's stating. He does ask a few times if they've lost faith and all that, but these here are statements. It feels a lot more manipulative to state these things in a way, for me at least, than the way he'd ask if they lost faith and trust in him. Dutch's dismissing attitude; things like shooing people away when they bring something up — like drowning Bronte ruthlessly or Molly bringing up him flirting with Mary-Beth — and then repeating one of his manipulative statements from above; they connect. He doesn't seem to like being approached and told off for something he's doing wrong.

Extra — Dutch is also very easily a narcissist, I feel like. I saw someone mention this and I definitely agree with it, but I struggle to really explain it so I don't mention it much when talking about him. I can try to find someone else's tiktok on it that I saw if anyone is interested :)

Now, Micah is also a manipulator. He influences some — but not all — of Dutch's bad choices and actions. I think it's funny how it all comes full circle with Dutch manipulating everyone around him except for Micah, just for Micah to do the same to him. It's something I think about a lot as well. Something about him I just have to mention, is that it's possible you don't hate him. Do you know what you do hate? The fact he killed Arthur.

Arthur will always be a fan favorite, we know this. He's an amazing character and I'd like to think we all got WAY too attached to him when playing RDR2; myself included. I bawled when he died, as a lot of you have as well. I hated Micah in that moment more than ever, how he waited for Arthur to get weak and still struggled with killing him, waiting and waiting until Arthur was a sick, coughing mess to strike. But after that, and after replaying the game, I didn't actually mind it so much. Micah did what he "had" to get the Blackwater money for himself, playing the waiting game with Arthur to easily get rid of him and any opposing opinion he shared with Dutch when Micah would propose an idea or plan. With Arthur gone, Micah was now Dutch's only influence; and Dutch needed that. Dutch needed someone to pamper to him like Micah always has, and with nobody to protest against it now, Micah had Dutch around his finger. And in the end, he really did almost get the money, if it weren't for Sadie, John and Charles finding them, and for Dutch having a moment of realisation right then and there.

Rambling again... The point there was that you don't hate Micah more than you should hate Dutch; you hate the fact he killed Arthur, the character you loved, that you played countless hours with. Arthur would have died, it was inevitable. Especially with his TB, who knows how little time he had left? Micah just.. finished him off. Gave him a more painful death, so to say. To prove my point even further; Dutch contributed to Arthur's death, stopping him from reaching the gun (high honor, go with John ending) and so giving Micah the chance to live — and work with him again. I think that if Micah presented himself like Dutch does; excuses, dressing proper and looking his best, putting on this façade that Dutch does, you would not complain. Hell, you would probably like him. But sadly we can't test that as Micah's reputation is set in stone as one of the most horrible, cruel, awful antagonists in gaming history. And hey — he wears the badge of honor, from what we know.

To sum it up, Micah and Dutch are both horrible, evil men and you've probably been manipulated by the silver tongue, lavish clothes and maybe even cheap cologne..

sorry if this was a little messy, i'm very sleep deprived and i just let my fingers work my keyboard in the darkness of my room 😇 if you went through all of this, thank you sm for reading !! i wasn't lying abt loving to yammer a lot🙏 ill do more if anyones interested in it..

[leserattevirginie]

Crown of Shadows by C.S. Friedman

Genre: Sci-Fantasy Star Rating: 4,25 ⭐️

Plot: ⬜️ Plot holes big enough for a herd of elephants ⬜️ I think I’ve read this before. (Unoriginal to the max.) ⬜️ No plot, just vibes ⬜️ Enjoyable but not super memorable. ✅ You have my undivided attention. ⬜️ Mind = Blown

Characters: ⬜️ Mary Sue is in the house! ⬜️ These are cardboard cut-outs. ⬜️ Good main cast, but the rest is forgettable at best. ⬜️ Generally well written. ✅ Complex ⬜️ What do you mean characters? These feel like real people!

Personal Enjoyment: ⬜️ DNF ⬜️ Somebody free me from this hell (but also no, I won’t DNF) ⬜️ WTF did I just read??? ⬜️ I don’t like it, but I also don’t hate it. ⬜️ It’s a good book but I just never want to pick it back up. ⬜️ No strong feelings either way. ⬜️ Enjoyable read ✅ What a page turner! This is fun! ⬜️ I think I’m in love ⬜️ (new) all time favourite

World Building: ⬜️ This takes place in our world. ⬜️ Worldbuilding what worldbuilding? ⬜️ This feels like a TV set. ⬜️ Not super deep, but present. ✅ Detailed, believable. ⬜️ You bet every single ant has its own 100 page backstory!

Pacing: ⬜️ drags/is rushed in all the wrong places ⬜️ Inconsistent ⬜️ something undefinable feels off ⬜️ I don’t love it it but it fits the book perfectly. ✅ Good/no complaints ⬜️ Amazing! Could not put this down!

Writing: ⬜️ This is painful ⬜️ I’m cringing ⬜️ Not great, but not bad either. ⬜️ Neutral (Didn’t really notice.) ✅ Elegant but not overly flowery. ⬜️ So beautiful I actually stopped and noticed it. ⬜️ I’m not sure if this is just a bad translation. ⬜️ I’m not confident enough in my language skills for this language to comment on the quality of the writing.

Wow, I can't believe I've finished the series this fast! That alone says a lot about how much I liked it :) As usual, here's a bunch of rambly thoughts:

For the most part I feel like I did about the other two books - plot is fine but character work and world building take the cake. The plot was still fairly straight-forward, but I will say that it was a bit more complex with the dual plot-lines. A bit I don't think I've mentioned before that I love: due to the set up we get sorcery and sword type stuff but also tourism, instant soup, insurance companies, etc. (Did I imagine the aspirin?) The mix between modern and old timey things is great!

Unfortunately I also still feel the same about the treatment of women within the series. Sure, the argument could be made that maybe it's just Damien who's a bit misogynistic in his POV, and Gerald is just generally The Most Terrible Person ™ around, but it still doesn't sit right with me. Especially since we start the book with Gerald's lunch committing suicide. Was that weird bit about Damien's landlady necessary? Was there no other way to explain how Iezu perceive the world other than "Holy shit can you believe that middle aged lady dares to think of herself as attractive, lol what a hag" ?? But hey, Narilka is still alive! I suppose if you exist to redeem the Gerald clone you get to live. (I can't believe I forgot poor Almea in my last rant. The fridging that started it all! ...is it still fridging if the man murders her himself??)

As for the plot lines, on one hand I really, really enjoyed getting more POVs! ...maybe just not the ones we actually got xD The patriarch was probably my favourite, even if almost every second I spent inside his head was incredibly frustrating. Some of that may be due to Calesta's influence, but for the most part it's probably just him being the fantasy-pope. There's a reason I left the church xD That being said, I appreciate that he actually whole-heartedly believes what he is preaching. The thing that confuses me the most about the church is its stance on working the fae. As I understood it, it was designed to focus the fae, making it a bit less dangrous for the general population. And also providing humanity with the concentrated power of the beliefs and faith of thousands if not millions, which could eventually be used for space travel. (Or something in that vein.) Anyway, I thought it was very clear that they are still manipulating the fae, just on an enormous scale, and disapproved of private sorcery. But at times it kind of felt like the patriarch sort of forgot that (or deliberately repressed it?). All those "no, this isn't witchcraft, this is a miracle from God!" moments felt so odd because - of course its the same thing? You literally created your God yourselves by those exact same means??? Oh well, church is hypocritical, fork found in kitchen.

Andrys and Narilka I actually liked well enough, as long as they weren't on page together. Or thinking about each other. Actually, scratch that. I liked Narilka when she wasn't being compared to teacups or dolls! But then she had to fall in love with Andrys after talking to him...twice? Andrys... I mean he was there and relevant to the plot. I do feel bad for him, but there wasn't really that much to him other than (admittedly horrific) trauma and an uncanny resemblance to his great-great ....-great grandpa. And drugs to cope with all of that. Small pet peeve: the nickname Andri. WHY. You're literally just taking of one letter (and changing the other because....aesthetics??)

On to more enjoyable ramblings!!! The Damien-Gerlad dynamic in this book was just *chef's kiss* You can't just hit me with the "You changed me" speech that early in the book, I was not prepared xD The many ways in which we see the depth of their...friendship... were just sweet (especially post-hell), and such a contrast to the first book! (Well, Damien still tells us constantly how hot Gerald is, that hasn't changed at all xD My dude literally described his very platonic bestie as "aesthetic perfection". A few pages after Karril rerminds us of how very straight he is, of course.) Now maybe at this point my rose coloured shipper glasses are just glued to my face, but that moment when he tried to explain how Almea supposedly feels also slightly came across as him projecting just a bit. (Gerald is right, Almea (or the Almea-thing) has every right to be pissed, honestly she should have shown up with ghostly divorce papers. Or maybe Damien was right and she just wanted to see him jump into a volcano for a good cause, who knows.) There are some things I would have loved to see more of: - the mental link between Damien and Gerald was criminally under-used, imo. Did it change Damien physically somehow, since Gerald no longer felt cold to him? Is he now part vampire for ever xD (And dear god that whole bit about taking the Hunter into his body, whyyy xDD) - honestly I would have loved to see Gerald readjusting to being human (and being incredibly annoyed about it) a bit more. It's been 900+ years, surely there's stuff he's forgotten? I mean he spent the vast majority of his life being the stuff of nightmares! - Gerald honestly wanting and trying to redeem himself (sure, he was ready to sacrifice himself in the end, but it kind of struck me as a last minute decision. And you can't tell me being the first to kill a Iezu and saving the world didn't also appeal to his ego). But I get that that would take another 10 books, minimum

Damiens break with the church was a long time coming, and handled well, I think. Oddly enough, priest never struck me as a job that you can just quit.

I just remembered about Gerald's apprentice (Amoril?). What an idiot. I would have loved to know how he came to be the Hunter's apprentice though. Can you apply for scolarships? Anyway, trashing a library is unforgivable in my book ;)

Oh, and Hell! Hell was surprisingly meh to me, but I did appreciate the insight into how the Iezu operate (which was probable the main point of that scene anyway). Love that Damien could just reason with the literal devil. (But the concept of the Devil as a non-unified entity was actually cool though). How did it take Damien so long to understand what the mountain of dead women could possibly be. Neither he nor the reader are stupid enough not to get it. Friedman usually doesn't hold our hand and over explains in the series, why start now?? Shock factor? I doubt anyone cared enough about Sisa? Sasi? for that to work.

OK I promise I'm coming to an end soon but guys. Guys. The epilogue. The freaking epilogue. What a trip that was xDDD 1) The Wedding. Karril POV was... certainly something! We now officially know that not only women find Andrys attractive. (Take that, Damien "idk, he's probably attractive to women but also aesthetic perfection" Vryce. Did I need to know about potential Iezu sex that only benefits the (currently presenting as) male partner? No, not really. Also WTF was that scene with Andrys' ex lovers. I know we're supposed to see and rejoice in the fact that Andrys is no longer a playboy, but did we really need that "women hating women for the benefit of some hot guy" thing in here? I swear there were bits in the series where I could have sworn it was written by man (derogatory). At least Narilka remained unbothered. Presumably moisturised. Very happy and in her lane. Focused on her wedding, as she should be. She gets to live on to be compared to countless fragile things made of porcelain, whether she wants it or not. 2) Freaking Riven Forrest. I was cackling throughout that whole bit. Not only does he get to hunt and terrify people just like his father, he also runs a successful (?) fishing rod business on the side. (I know, I know, hunting supplies in general, the rods just kind of stuck out to me). The fact that the intelligent prey he looks forward to hunting the most is once again a woman (even if it is an abusive, horrible woman) tells us exactly what part the Iezu mother chose to take from the OG Hunter, huh. Which is great for Gerald, but a weird choice on her part?? But dear God the last bit. He keeps a portait of Gerald above his fireplace??? I finally completely lost it at "Here's to you, dad" xDDD 3) The "dark haired youth". Of course he survived. I was suspicious as soon as we didn't actually get to see Andrys kill him. As for the new persona - I suspected who he was, but the moment I was really sure was when Damien started describing him in loving detail. For an entire paragraph. That was half a page long. But the ending. WTF. I could have accepted Gerald's Death, but this? You're telling me after all they went through together, and after he basically just risked his life again by saying hi to Damien in the most cryptic way possible, they just...never talked again?! Nah, in my expert opinion they just met up in the next bathhouse. Also I wanted to see the guy suffer be annoyed a bit more because he can no longer Work to maintain his image. (I'd also have loved to know Geralds criteria for his new body, vain as he is. What was his thought process? "Oh no, the wonderful world of magical horse-breeding is now lost to me! Guess I'll just have to make sure that from now on I have the most majestic ponytail out there!"? Although, come on. He might be willing to risk his life for a horse.) My last words: I enjoyed this series so much more than I ever thought I would, and these idiots now live rent-free in my brain. Also how the f- are we supposed to read these books as an entirely platonic relationship? The most I'll agree to is some weird, slightly cursed QPR. But come on. COME ON. Even if they are both heterosexual (notwithstanding Damiens constant thirsting casual descriptions) they are definitely in love. Or just so deeply obsessed with, and at this point, sort of dependent on each other (Gerlad's words, not mine. sort of) that it makes little to no difference.

I know there's some prequels (?) I think I might check them out sometime.

[beauty-and-passion]

TMA - Chapters 61-70: Waking up and choosing violence

Hello everyone and welcome back to another week of ramblings about TMA, its characters and, most importantly, its mysteries. Will I ever find an answer to at least one of them? I doubt it, but I’ll keep putting together as many pieces as possible and one day I’ll prove to everyone that the All Michael Theory is the only valid one. And not just because it’s the silliest.

<< Main Masterlist < Previous post 

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MAG 61 - Hard Shoulder

Wow, what a start!

We have a new voice: Alice “Daisy” Tonner joins the cast and proves herself to be one of the most badass women - as well as another character who woke up and chose violence. Huge respect for her (with a sprinkle of fear).

Basira suspected Jon was Gertrude’s killer? You know what? From the police’s perspective, this reasoning makes sense: it doesn’t seem like Gertrude had any relatives and Jon was the only one close to her (at work, at least). And, as Daisy said, he showed a ton of weird behaviors and weird behaviors are the first red flag for a suspect. Also, Jon is the only one who actually gained something from Gertrude’s death and that’s even more suspicious.

Awww, Jon was sad Basira suspected of him! Is he starting to feel something from her? Will he end up asking her phone mumber, then a date, then her hand in marriage?

I also find it very interesting that Jon asked Daisy to tell him something about the supernatural events she dealt with. It’s the first time Jon actively wanted a statement. Even weirder, he didn’t ask for a specific one, but any statement. “Whatever you like”, he told her.

That’s a bit odd, isn’t it? In season 1, Jon said he was getting too involved in the statements, now he’s actively asking for new ones. Is this all related to the “crimson fate”/curse? Is this Big brother’s influence? If I was right by saying that Big Brother can somehow “eat” the statements, that means Jon is unconsciously feeding this supernatural shit?

Speaking of the statement, I was HYPED when I found out that the delivery van was from Breekon & Hopes deliveries. Even better, they were transporting the coffin! Coffin from MAG 2 my beloved! And we also find out what’s inside it!

Once again, I’ll quote Jon: the content was surprising, indeed. I expected some creepy shit to come out but we got a weird staircase going somewhere down. It just made me even more curious about the coffin’s origin and now I want to know more: where does that staircase bring? I hope we will find out in some future statement.

Also, what’s with that weird static/vibration? I thought it was just a background sound added by TMA’s author to create the right atmosphere. But since it was mentioned in the transcripts too, I’m starting to fear it has something to do with the plot. Is it related to Micheal? Or Daisy? Or maybe the tape recorder suddenly broke because yes? No idea, but I love that we’re starting with so many mysteries.

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MAG 62 - First Edition

HOLY SHIT, MARY KEAY.

Yep, that was my reaction when I found out who this “Mary” was. And her voice is adorably creepy. Love it.

But as Jon said, there is a lot here. And by a lot I mean A LOT.

*

1) Mary and the Institute

The Keays worked for the Institute?! Of course, that’s how they found out about a lot of this weird shit, gosh I feel so stupid for not realizing it sooner!

But Mary also talks about her mother’s “slavish devotion to you and your patron”. Who is the patron? Elias? A member of the Lukas family? Big Brother itself?

*

2) Same side?!

Mary said she and Gertrude are on the same side “Even if Elias disagrees”. That can mean two things only:

Mary Keay is on Big Brother’s & the Lukas' side, even if Elias thinks she’s not so trustworthy

Mary Keay is on the opposite side, but she doesn’t know her job is actually helping Elias/the Lukas/Big Brother

Which theory is the right one? It depends on what side Gertrude was: if she was against Big Brother it’s one thing, if she was pro Big Brother it’s a different one.

*

3) Powers that watched over?

It’s very telling that Mary said Dr. Margaret Tellison was “touched by powers like those that watched over our family”. That confirms the Keays are associated with a supernatural shit - or that a supernatural shit watches over them, at least. Which one? Gosh, I hope to find out.

But also: if there was a supernatural shit watching over them, the Keays should worship it, right? So, why did Mary say “I’ve always found a singular devotion far too restrictive”? Maybe she doesn’t just worship the one watching over them, but a lot of different ones?

On a side note: who the fuck is Eric?

*

4) A Not-Leitner - and actually not a single one was

And here on the left, we can see TMA’s author trolling me with the book that drops bones, by making me think that yes, that’s surely a Leitner. It was also in Leitner’s weird hidden library, of course it’s a Leitner.

And here I find out that actually no, it’s just a fucking pointless book and it was gifted to Leitner by Mary Keay herself.

So not only we find out the Keays and Leitner interacted, but Mary gifted him a book and in MAG 35, among all the 200 Leitners that he could’ve picked from the hidden library, Gerard chose that one: the most useless one. Maybe mommy didn’t teach him well enough how to find them.

But also: Gertrude asked Mary “Who does the book come from?”, which implies Leitner didn’t write it. And Mary herself opened her statement by saying he “collected” them.

That means Leitner never actually wrote these books. He just put a stamp on them. This Norwegian motherfucker simply took books from all the supernatural shits and collected them in his secret library.

What an absolute fucker, he tricked me into thinking he was some kind of evil genius, while he’s just a collector/archivist of sorts. But hey, in this case, I want to know what the fuck happened to him. Where is he, now?

*

5) The End!

A-ah, here is the name of another supernatural shit! This one is called the End, but who or what it is? Mary Keay says “I could never truly serve it - I just don’t find death that interesting”, so the End is death, I suppose. Could it be the same from “Cheating Death” (MAG 29)? It wasn’t exactly a person, but more of a force that took different people. However, we also found out that these supernatural shits can be concepts too, so it could work.

Gosh, I’m so excited! We are starting to get more names of these little shits!

*

6) Mary Keay woke up and chose violence

In one statement, she:

insulted the Institute, by calling the Artefact Storage a “collection of mediocrity”

insulted Leitner by calling him “boring”

killed Dr. Tellison because she didn’t use her power for worthy causes 

insulted tea (which is probably the most outrageous insult for Brits)

insulted Elias’ lazy ass (“He’s not exactly big on action though, is he.”)

insulted the “fake Leitner book”

Sheesh, this woman literally woke up and decided to kill everything on her way. I stan.

*

7) A laptop!

Jon found Gertrude’s laptop and a weird key! More mysteries! More weird stuff! What does this key open? What does the laptop hide? No idea, but I’m thrilled!

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MAG 63 - The End of the Tunnel

Ah, so there it is. The Dark, Maxwell Rayner or whatever its name is. The supernatural shit related to darkness, that one.

And… it looks weirdly similar to the figure from MAG 3. Is Not!Sasha an appendix/servant/part of this supernatural shit? Or is it just a coincidence that they look very similar?

Also, is this what happened to Sasha too? Not!Sasha killed her by decapitating her shadow? That’s a very awful death, fine, but it’s also extremely cool. What a sick way to kill, so creative! Love it.

There could be a connection between the Church of Saint James and the People’s Church of the Divine

Host? Maybe, why not? After all, if these things can be worshipped, why not do it in an actual church? Best cover-up. Also, the priest took the camera from Miss Gallagher-Nelson, so it’s very possible he did it to prevent any photo of their supernatural god from going out.

Melanie King is back! I remember her and okay, it’s kinda sad her career is over in the “fake supernatural Youtube department”. Hey, maybe she can find a place here in the Archives! Honestly, it would be interesting if she becomes Jon’s sort-of-protege and he teaches her about his Archivist job. I don’t wish for him to die or for her to become Big Brother’s new food/body/whatever, but I would enjoy a master/protege connection between them anyway.

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MAG 64 - Burial Rites

A statement about a mummy that cannot die? Very cool and I love that it’s a nice variant of the trope: “evil mummy wants to kill you”. Rather than you, this mummy was a lot more interested in killing themselves and you can see their desperation in how they took the knife and tried to stab themselves. I felt some pity for this poor creature who just wanted to end their misery.

Considering we recently talked about the End and remembered MAG 29, I suppose this mummy is one of the immortal humans that defeated death, became death, passed the role to someone else and were left with a very uncomfortable immortality - an immortality that apparently goes beyond having your organs removed and your body being closed in a tomb.

Wow, just imagine how awful and terrifying it would’ve been, to feel your organs being removed and your body trapped in a tomb and yet, you still cannot die. It’s a super cool concept and I love it.

Awww, Jon and Basira are bonding even more. This time, over their mutual inability to be proper spies. They’re getting ready for marriage XD

Aside from that, Jon’s attachment to the statements is starting to be a bit concerning. At first, he simply asked for them, now he literally went to the police station because he wanted more statements. Are we sure this poor guy is okay? I mean, I know he’s not, but this weird “hunger for statements” is way more worrisome than some “simple” paranoia.

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MAG 65 - Binary

Speaking of this statement, there are a few things I really liked.

First of all, I generally enjoy “deep web-ish” digital horror stories that revolve around the contrast between humans and machines. Hence why, the story of a guy who successfully uploaded his own mind into a computer immediately got my attention.

Second, I liked how this concept was handled here. It wasn’t the usual “scary chat with the dead” idea, but we got a whole ass video instead, featuring a guy eating his computer one piece at a time. A video that keeps following you on every device forcing you to look at it in full. Very cool and very creative.

Third, this particular sentence from Mrs. Tessa: “I can’t stop wondering what it must be like to try and have thoughts, messy human thoughts, trapped in the rigid digital processes of a computer.”. I think it perfectly encapsulates this concept, the situation, the video and its distorted way of communicating.

Oh, so Tessa didn’t come to the Institute just to record a statement: it was Jon who “lured” her there, to get the tech help he needed in order to access Gertrude’s laptop. Glad to see this man is still very clever, despite his paranoia.

MY BOY TIM. MY PRECIOUS BOY TIM. He woke up, entered Jon’s office and decided that violence was not enough, so he used extra violence and:

destroyed Jon, by calling him “you pompous idiot” and telling him he should’ve been fired

destroyed Martin, Sasha, Elias and, if there were some worms, he would’ve destroyed them too. Twice.

I mean, not that he hasn’t a valid reason to be frustrated. While everyone (me included) was worried about Jon’s paranoia and stalking tendencies, no one asked him “Hey, Tim, how are you?”. The poor boy was literally left alone to deal with his own shit. Of course he’s frustrated and angry. Of course he wants to leave.

And it’s immensely tragic that Jon understands, he even offers Tim to leave if he says it… but Tim can’t. And Jon can’t fire him either. And I bet everything that it’s all because of Big Brother’s influence. Goddamn Big Brother.

Hence why, I will soon run into this series, grab Tim and throw him out of this place. My boy needs to relax, possibly in a huge beautiful spa, surrounded by people ready to serve him and give him all the comforts he needs.

Tim deserves all of this.

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MAG 66 - Held in Customs

Two lines into this statement and I am perplexed already. What does that mean this is a “Statement of Vincent Yang regarding his claimed imprisonment by Mikaele Salesa”? Now Salesa is kidnapping people too? Wtf?!

But no, the truth is that Mr. Yang basically kidnapped himself by touching something he shouldn’t have touched. And even if Salesa told him “don’t go to sleep”, he did it anyway.

And if all of this wasn’t weird enough, he got rescued by Peter Lukas, who was basically trying to buy that weird wooden crate from Salesa, opened it up and found this poor fucker inside. Best rescue ever.

Jon might be the most paranoid man on the planet, but he’s also the most relatable too. First, he gives the perfect definition of Salesa:

Then he reads my thoughts and anticipates me:

Then he finds out Gertrude was trying to buy a Leitner! And she even managed to get three books:

a special printing of The Seven Lamps of Architecture, by John Ruskin

a copy of The Key of Solomon

a 1910 pamphlet simply entitled A Disappearance

which translated from writer to reader means:

more supernatural architects

a well-known book with a weird twist

a future statement

And yes, Jon is right again about Gertrude: the question isn’t who killed her but why. What did she learn? I thought she just wanted to say “fuck you” to Big Brother and escape from her destiny. But what if she was trying to do something different? I  don’t know if she wanted to connect with it/defy it/connect with another supernatural shit, but oh boy, I can’t wait to find out.

_______________________________

MAG 67 - Burning Desire

Ooooh, a statement about Agnes Montague! Aaaaand we didn’t learn more about her than what we already knew: she’s associated with fire, she probably has some kind of pyrokinetic powers and she’s a supernatural shit - sort of.

This was (probably) confirmed by her words about having destiny. When Mr. Barnabas told her he doesn’t really have one, she replied with “That must be nice”: almost as if she has a very specific destiny to fulfill and can’t escape from it. Maybe because she became the body of some supernatural shit? And since then, she acquired new weird powers, but she also lost the human freedom of making her own destiny and being her own person. Once again, it reminds me of Michael and the importance of identity for some of these creatures.

Okay, time to recap the members of this Cult of the Lightless Flame for future reference:

Diego Molina, the guy who was in the hospital with Gerard (and died in a fire)

Arthur Nolan, Jane Prentiss’ landlord (died in a fire)

another unidentified guy (I bet he also died in a fire)

a short, muscular Asian woman, with a tattoo of a burning guy

Agnes Montague, who is probably the Lightless Flame. Or its embodiment

Also, what did the Asian woman mean, when she said Agnes could’ve been “released” if she did some job? What kind of job it was? Was it related to MAG 8? She felt when the tree was pulled down, after all…

There are still a lot of things to learn about Agnes Montague and this cult, so I can’t wait to know more.

One last thing about the cult: wow, Jon, dramatic much? I use names like “supernatural shit” and “Spider Gang”, you use names like “Cult of the Lightless Flame”. If I were you, I would’ve called these people “Fire Gang” or something similar. But hey, maybe that’s why I’m not the protagonist of this story XD

Speaking of Jon… he wants to visit the tunnels again. Sigh. Life still has so much to offer, Jon. Why trying so hard to get killed? If even Elias “Suspicious” Bouchard is telling you to chill, then you know something’s wrong.

But hey, I suppose Jon should do some stupid shit to end this second season. And what better way to end it, if not by waking up whatever terror is hidden in those tunnels?

_______________________________

MAG 68 - The Tale of a Field Hospital

I said before that it’s a shame most of these statements “have the same voice”, so I was pleasantly surprised by the language used here. Mr. Russo uses a very elegant, poetic way of speaking, especially at the beginning: it conveys the image of an artist very well and it helps differentiate him from other people.

Here we are, back with John Amherst after seeing him dying/not dying in MAG 36. And guess what, he’s a supernatural shit as well. Everyone is a supernatural shit in this world.

In this case, he’s probably The Disease or something similar. I’ll call him the Disease, until I will find out what is his shit’s actual name.

While speaking of the powers, it looks like he gets infected all the time, dies and comes back to life. But hey, look at the bright side: at least he doesn’t feel miserable about it. On the contrary, he seems pretty joyful and he even jokes about being “such a restless man”. Glad to see he takes death so funnily. I wonder what the End thinks of this little fucker.

Was this book a Leitner? I don’t know, it seems like one. After all, the book is about the supernatural shit, so… maybe? I’m not sure :/ I hope we will find a list of all the Leitners or I’ll have to tackle the Norwegian motherfucker and ask directly to him.

Wow, Jon didn’t wait two seconds: as soon as he got the key to the tunnel, he immediately went down and got lost. Right after Elias told him to not do too many secret explorations and put himself in danger.

Look, Jon, look what you’re making me do: agreeing with Elias.

Luckily, Not!Sasha was lurking around like the creepy imposter it is and it seemed like Jon noticed something weird about her. Something small, sure, but still something. Will he find out by the end of season two?

_______________________________

MAG 69 - Thought for the day

So we’re finally meeting, spider lady.

It took her a long time to appear but hey, I suppose that since she’s (probably) the leader of the Spider Gang, she was waiting for the right time to make her entrance.

For what I saw in this statement, she looks both fine and scary as fuck and, just like every woman in this series likes to do, she wakes up and chooses violence. In this case, violence with a side dish of “projectors” doing some magical weird circle.

Uhm… mood, I suppose?

The relationship between Jon and Tim truly went downhill, didn’t it? And I like how it’s addressed because:

I’m not the one who realizes it’s because of Jon’s paranoia - Jon himself knows it. He literally told Martin that working is all they can do together now. He proves he’s still a clever, well-written character.

Even if we feel sad and frustrated by this situation, we can also understand why Jon became so paranoid. And it’s because the story until now makes sense, the events have a logical progression and the development isn’t rushed. Everything happened for a reason and there was always a logical explanation behind it.

Even if we as readers feel like Jon did a lot of stupid shit, deep down we know we would’ve probably done the same, if we were in his same place.

About the last point, it can also apply to Jon’s growing curiosity. Let’s not fool ourselves: we’re also very curious to know what’s hidden in those tunnels. We’re scared to find out, just like him. We know that, last time Jon went down there, some supernatural shit (which I suppose is not Michael?) told him to go away. He knows that too.

But hey, I suppose there’s a reason why curiosity is one of mankind’s strongest aspects. We are all curious and we all would do stupid shit just to satisfy it.

And if some of us maybe won’t go down these scary tunnels, we can still understand Jon, when he says:

“I should just leave it. They’re right. But I can’t not know.”

I just hope this man won’t end up dying just to satisfy his need to know.

_______________________________

MAG 70 - The Book of the Dead

Once again, we have a concept already explored in other works. But, again, I love how it’s handled here: some creative choices are wonderful and I need to give them the attention they deserve.

First of all, how the book looks very old at the start and gets progressively “newer” over the centuries. It gives it more “personality”, you know? And it’s more fitting for the concept of a book that talks about the death of several people throughout history.

Second, it’s a very specific book, that illustrates violent deaths only. This makes it more convincing too, because not everyone in the world dies of violent death.

Third, I adore the idea that death changes according to your own choices. The exact moment Mr. Murray decided not to visit Lancashire, his death changed. Every time he made a new decision, his death changed. And it drew closer too, which contributes to the sense of dread and inevitability typical of death.

And speaking of the inevitability of death, I like how it portrays it here. Death is inevitable, not because “your fate is predetermined and you cannot escape from it”: you can actually change it. But death will still be there. Even if there is no predetermined destiny, death is still inescapable. Great way to convey this concept, loved it so much.

I also found particularly fascinating how, after Mr Murray’s death, there were white pages. Why? Is it because he didn’t pass the book to someone else? Is it because he tried to destroy it? Where is this book now? Are the pages still white?

Yes, Jon, I know. I also thought this Norwegian motherfucker called Jurgen Leitner was the author of these books and yes, I also thought he sold his soul/talked to Big Brother and gained some magical creepy powers. But nope, Leitner is just a guy who took all these books and put them together because… I don’t know, I suppose he woke up one day and said “violence is not enough, I want to see the world burn”. This absolute fucker.

And speaking of more books, it looks like we lost Gertrude’s copy of The Key of Salomon. I suppose she didn’t want to see the world burn, but just this book. But why? Uuuurgh, there are so many juicy mysteries and still so few answers!

_______________________________

In conclusion

I suppose the only real answer we got here is that Leitner is an even bigger imposter than Not!Sasha, because he tricked us into believing he was some kind of genius/powerful entity, while he’s actually just a collector. He’s still a creepy collector and it’s thanks to him we know about these books, but still. Not cool pretending to be more than you are, man. Not cool.

We also learned more about the End (and yes, I suppose The Book of Dead is theirs) and I finally met the spider lady. These little supernatural shits are introducing themselves one by one and I’m thrilled to see more of them, but I’m also asking myself: how will Mr. Sims (TMA’s author) handle all of these characters? Usually, the more characters you have, the more difficult is to handle them all and give each of them a distinct personality/characterization. I hope he has clear plans, because I have high expectations and want to see what his writing choices will be.

Gosh, next week season 2 will end and oh boy, am I scared. Jon is still paranoid, the relationships are all over the place, Not!Sasha is still an imposter and there is a suspicious lack of Michaels. Where are they? Will my Best Boyo come back from the war (he didn’t want to take part in)? Will everyone keep waking up and choosing violence? We will find out next week, I suppose.

>> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[helloanthy]

🗒️ 19.09.2023 ⋅⋅⋅ 📚

i forgor ... while i was out-of-network, my friend 🐇 recently made a yaoi TWO ✌🏼 anthology zine ! in it is his and its friend's essay called GIRL YAOI which he gav me the privilege of reading pre-finalisation, that inspired me to start writing my own [previously mentioned, unfinished ...] transthy RGU essay ... you can read the zine here in PDF form ! of course, there is also a yaoi ONE ☝🏼 zine from it as well, that was actually inspired by an 2000 RGU interbiew between ikuhara and mari kotani. the first zine is about "what was the yaoi that changed your life?" and the second is, as says, the ANALysis issue ... hehe i got to contribute ! my entry is just the notes app outline of my RGU transthy/girl yaoi essay before i decided this is way too long to keep in check list format and moved to google docs haha. i didnt finish the notes outline and i only added concluding paragraphs to be able to submit it here because it looks wildly different now in my google docs ahahaha but if you want something fun to read, i suggest these ! my friend makes a lot of cool [and personally inspiring] zines and essays that i really like ... some of my favorites of his are "guaitai: the strange and the queer", "my very special odyssey through thirty years of gay asian porn", "DIARY ENTRY: fuck up your body", and "game of the year: a sword art online zine" wow after compiling these i may as well just list its whole discography huh? well at least i know ill be prepared if somebody ever says "oh? you like his zines? name THREE of his works where he bastardizes a cisheterosexual narrative for a queer one" [easy, what is going on in pixars cars: a manifesto, its sword art online piece, and his mother mary jack crawford-will graham babygirlism hannibal zine] anyway, i leave you with my favorite piece from his first yaoi zine. happy reading! or not. this picture is great though, right ?

[life-winners-liveblog]

Went through my playlist of feels and chose the best songs I felt sorta fit the situation. Found some bangers I had forgotten

Here’s my list of suggestions:

Antidote, figure it out- Faith Marie

Agoraphobic- Corpse Husband

Would Anyone Care- Citizen Soldier

villain- mj apanay

Pain Is My Best Friend- Narrows North

Are You Satisfied?- Marina and The Diamonds (Thought this was funny cause of the previous mention)

High Low- The Unlikely Candidates

worthless- eli. (This one’s a personal favorite)

And here’s one to represent the people who care and are trying to help:

What The Hell Happened?- Ked

{Sorry for the long list I just really like sharing music}

-Wisp

LL!Martyn: That's a lot of songs.

LimL!Jimmy: We can put them in a playlist and have them in the background while we clean? Maybe?

LL!Martyn: I guess I don't hate that idea.

LimL!Jimmy: Great!

(Honestly? I knew only one of these before this)

~~Antidote~~

LimL!Jimmy: Oh this one is nice.

LL!Martyn: Not quite the same situation as me.

LimL!Jimmy: Yeah, because everyone knows that you need help.

LL!Martyn: ... I don't mind the song though.

~~Agoraphobic~~

LimL!Jimmy: Oh my gosh whats his voice?!? I ...didn't expect that.

LL!Martyn: Definitely didn't expect the depressing lyrics and the lo-fi beats to study to would mesh so well.

LimL!Jimmy: Oh yeah sure...but the voice!

LL!Martyn: We get it, It's deep. What? Do you...find it hot?

LimL!Jimmy: ... No! I mean not to say It's ugly because It's not but it's not why I-wait...you are messing with me aren't you?

LL!Martyn: Lmao.

~~Would anyone care~~

LimL!Jimmy: Well this is just depressing after depressing.

LL!Martyn: You good Tim? ...wow that was weird... it's usually you asking me.

LimL!Jimmy: Oh It's... nothing...just some unwanted toughts from Limited Life coming back...

~~villain~~

LL!Martyn: Ouch that hit surprisingly close.

LimL!Jimmy: yeah...same...

LL!Martyn: Guess we do have some things in common...even if for different reasons. (Paranoid delusions vs self-worth issues).

~~Pain is my best friend~~

LL!Martyn: ...well I am starting to think these are targeted... Should have expected that.

LimL!Jimmy: Well yeah, the whole reason we are listening to these is to help you... that's kinda the point.

~~Are you satisfied ~~

LimL!Jimmy: Oh I know this one! Joel is a big Marina and the diamonds fan...and so is Scott...but mostly Joel.

LL!Martyn: Huh? News to me. Scott I understand...but Joel? Really?

LimL!Jimmy: Oh yeah.

~~High Low~~

LL!Martyn: Huh... I feel like I am more just constantly low.

LimL!Jimmy: I don't thinks thats better????

~~worthless~~

LimL!Jimmy: Oh again, bad toughts go away.

LL!Martyn: What...are you doing?

LimL!Jimmy: Pushing the bad toughts away again.

LL!Martyn: I might be insane but I am pretty sure that doesn't work.

LimL!Jimmy: Well this one hit deep...

LL!Martyn: Oh yeah I agree, this one is like...really good.

LimL!Jimmy: I don't see the appeal of music that makes you feel worse... (Prefers happy music when feeling bad)

LL!Martyn: It's cathartic to hear your feelings be sung. (Prefers sad music when feeling bad)

[owmylasagna-blog]

So, what's the real appeal in Ed/May? I see that this popular, but over all the show I see aproximately zero positive moments/development between them, including in the finale. Nothing positive, I can't think of anything that wasn't one-sided or outright negative. And I think Ed deserves faaar better than her; I don't see him just forgeting all she made and sudenly falling in love with her (fanfics where they're just dating out of nowhere specially irks me) without any explanation or development.

The appeal seems just ''pair the dumb/goofy ones'' (why not Ed/Nazz? Or Ed/Rolf? Or even Ed/Jonny?)

Honestly, I'm under the impression people only ship it as a Beta Couple for Edd/Eddy, and nothing else more. Your reasoning?

Wow I’m actually pretty glad I got this question because I’ve had a half baked post on this very subject that’s been sitting in my drafts for weeks. Now I have a reason to actually share it.

And from the jump, no I don’t ship Ed and May solely because I’m an eddeddy shipper. I actually see some interesting potential here! I also ship Ed wildly because he’s just a lover boi in my mind. Perhaps even most wildly out of the entire cast of the show: I have the receipts for dabbling in edrolf and ednazz but I can really only imagine those pairings as little flings.

So what is it about edmay that works?

Of the three Kanker sisters, May actually seems to be the only one to genuinely have a crush on her preferred Ed. It goes beyond the typical taunting and harassing her sisters subject the other Eds to. The intro to Hanky Panky Hullabaloo is a prime example of this: May makes a mushy valentine and Marie and Lee make fun of her for it. Afterwards the two talk about May behind her back: “Now we know who got mom’s genes.” “Hormones”. I think it's an interesting summary of how the sisters have differing perspectives on relationships and how they think about boys/men. While Marie and Lee are more disenchanted by romance, they see May as more naive and prone to getting emotionally attached in the same way their mom probably falls for one disappointing man after another. Anyway, the point is that I think May cares whether Ed reciprocates those feelings while Marie and Lee don’t with Eddy or Edd.

CUTE!

Now we have Ed’s reactions to May. In the earlier seasons, he doesn’t seem as averse to the Kanker harassment. Honestly sometimes he’s sort of enjoying it or just not bothered at all. I don’t think Ed generally would show his interests or feelings in a very typical way. Actually the most damning evidence that he might actually be attracted at all to May or just girls period are the moments where he is acting the most repulsed by them. We are talking about a 12 year old after all, probably a bit panicked by some new hormones and feelings about “icky girls”: to me, it reads as the early stages of immature boyish attraction.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t include at least one reference to the Ed-cyclopedia that is Kevin Lordi (as per usual), who got the scoop that the writers toyed with the idea of making Ed and May canon in the earlier seasons, even scraped S2 episode where they are caught kissing in the bushes being the basis for HPH (Lordi 2017, 2018).

So what is in this ship for them? I really like exploring this ship because of many of the parallels I see in their characters. I think it’s safe to say that Ed and May are respective outliers in their trios: May being the younger punching bag to her older sisters, Ed sort of being off on his own planet or plane of existence from Edd and Eddy most of the time. I could see both naturally branching out on their own while the remaining two are prone to buddying up. Other similarities, as you mention, also make them a cute pair: they are goofy, a bit ditzy, naturally kind hearted, a bit off beat, a tad (or a lot) gross. Nothing wrong with that!

Both come from pretty bleak home lives, lacking in support or parental nurturing. For this reason, you see them often compensating by being the nurturing types themselves: Ed being the protective big brother to Sarah and his two best pals, May often playing out a maternal fantasy (more than once she plays mommy and baby in the show; coddling Jimmy in BPS). Now just think of a relationship where these two get together!!! Having an outlet for compassion AND on the receiving end of it. I think they have the potential to have a very sweet relationship ripe for healing and personal growth.

I see them coming to appreciate each other with a bit of time and maturity, maybe striking up a friendship first before actually dating later in their teens or early adulthood. Oddly enough I make lots of parallels between Edd and May as well and could easily imagine some aspects of Edd and Ed’s friendship manifesting in edmay. The biggest factor being what I said about May having this maternal care-taker drive. Seeing as the Kanker sisters just about raised themselves and had to grow up really fast, you end up with a very “parentified” child. And if Edd isn’t the poster child for being a parentified kid I don’t know what… Anyway, in the same way that Edd acts as a stand-in parental figure to Ed I think May would quickly take on a similar role. I’m NOT endorsing this dynamic as 100% positive!!! I think it would be complicated! But it’s an interesting ship dynamic nonetheless and I’m trying to explore that in my aged up AU now.

[maladaptivewriting]

On scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate these ships and why:

James/Regulus/Barty/Evan

Lily/Barty/Evan

Narcissa/Lily

James/Regulus/Sirius/Remus

Bellatrix/Rita/Ms.Zabini (I don't think she had a name in canon, tell me if I'm wrong)

Draco/a dragon (you keep mentioning this one fic, you asked for it)

James/Barty

Lily/Pandora/Mary

Mary/Marlene/Dorcas

Lucius/Snape (this ship used to constantly haunt me a few years ago)

wow what a fun ask.

okay i want to preface this by saying that i’m not really into poly ships, but im going to make an exception for this and try to be fair.

1. james/regulus/barty/evan: 5/10

i could this happening like one time as a fun anniversary gift for one of the couples, but i could never see the four of them in an actual relationship.

2. lily/barty/evan: 7/10

i like this to the extent that it is far superior to jegulily which is absolutely despise. i can see barty and evan as people who might have a looser definition of relationships and jealous than james or regulus so rosekiller with lily could be really fun. lily seems soft enough to dull some of their edges. plus the fanart is hot

3. narcissa/lily: 9/10

there is a lot of potential here, especially for angst purposes, but i think this ship would work best in like a bdsm fic/setting. like narcissa is older than lily and she’s definitely the most put together of all the malfoys so i could see her domming lily and i love that for them.

4. james/regulus/sirius/remus: 7/10

putting aside the incest for a second. i could see this happening like once or twice. however i think regulus and sirius are both extremely possessive and jealous people, remus and james too but not to the same extent, so i dont think they would like to share. however i think the possessiveness could be hot depending on how it’s used.

5. bellatrix/rita/mrs. zabini: 3/10

the thing about mrs. zabini is that i just don’t think she likes being tied down and i can’t see her enjoying it with two partners. i like quillkiller but mrs. zabini throws a wrench in things.

6. draco/dragon: 9/10

i have read all the fics with this tag, however i think charlie/dragon works better. but the best option imo is like draco/dragon animagus. so like a drarry fic where harry is a dragon animagus? that would be 10/10

7. james/barty: 3/10

i feel indifferent to this ship, but i don’t think it would work out. one of my closest friends irl is so barty core and i think a james person would piss her the fuck off, they would never work

8. lily/pandora/mary: 6/10

i think there is potential here for something soft and sweet but i would only read this ship if one of them was evil and out to hurt the other two.

9. mary/marlene/dorcas: 1/10

i just cannot see marlene with mary like at all. i actually don’t even think these two would be friends post hogwarts based on their personalities. i think they would seriously annoy each other

10. lucius/snape: 8/10

again so much angst potential. i’ve read this ship a few times, it used to pop a lot as a background ship so i would often see it, and i feel like it can work but there has to be discussions about power dynamics here for it to read well. i prefer snape with a non-magical oc personally

you didn’t ask for full explanations but you’re getting them anyway

[shirpowbra]

It's that confession scene from Pride and Prejudice but set it in 1800s Spanish colonized Philippines

I really wanted to redraw this scene, but I didn't know which pairing I could use, since most of my ships already have this redraw.

Then someone on twitter mentioned that Filay (Fidel and Klay) would fit this scene and I couldn't agree more. So here.

Also English version:

Okay, you can leave here, I'm just gonna ramble again over here

I never liked the duology back in highschool. I never read em, but I kinda know what happens and you wanna know why?

The teacher I had, don't get me wrong, she was a lovely person, and I learned a lot from her. However, when it came to discussing these two books, no matter how many notes I've studied/memorized and read future chapters, she'd never include them in exams or quizzes and you're all left in the battlefield making up bs answers as you go. Like What???

Then this show (or teleserye as the locals would call it lol) came along, which is basically an isekai to the first book and boom, historical Philippines brainrot. The protagonist is, well, essentially sort of a Mary Sue, but I am in awe by how progressive some of the episodes are to the point I even cried which is ironic considering this takes place in the past wow. This country, as that one article said it, treats progression like the plague and it was refreshing to see it on television for the first time.

Kinda regretted that I never took these two books seriously now, and whenever I look for them in bookstores/libraries I can no longer find traces of the books, which is a shame, you'd think that when a show with such huge production would have the money to republish/reprint the books as some sort of promotion, but oh well maybe someday I'd be able to finally read them.

[caroll-in]

top 3 12 fics I read in 2022

I was tagged by @pennygalleon in her post to share my own fav reads of 2022 and... wow, it's SO HARD to narrow it down? Like, I knew it would be, but still 😂 This year was pretty peculiar when it comes to my reading, as I didn't really read anything older nor did any re-reads (I did listen to all of the Gallapod and a few podfics of Saras_Girl's stories, if that counts!). Instead, I was trying harder than ever to keep up with this year's drarry fests and dabbed in A LOT of other fandoms too. And, for the first time in years (as dramatic as that sounds haha), I started to read published books again and I'm still all hyped about it 😍

But, back to the fics!

The Categories:

📅 Fav published in 2022

😍 Fav new-to-you fic

🃏 Fav Wildcard (a reread, rarepair, different fandom, the spare spot on a BINGO card)

📅 Favourite(s) Published in 2022 📅

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w (hp: drarry, E, 76k, @hd-wireless) - most phenomenal slowburn and stellar worldbuilding, Draco being fantastic with magical creatures, chubby, depressed Harry (and his depression arc is handled SO WELL too) and a whole array of side characters and truly touching scenes that made my cry A LOT. Also, those Malfoys are *somethig else*!! Never before I have been so impatient to know who's the author and the second the reveals dropped I RUN to Lauren's DMs to yell about how much I loved this fic sdfghj

Fool Me Twice by @sorrybutblog (hp: drarry, E, 38k, @harrydracobang) - so it's a case fic but it does a great reverse of the usual Auror Harry trope, as it's Draco who's job is to solve the (so well plotted!!) mystery and Harry is very much in his way, even if not on purpose haha Also, their banter here is *chefskiss*

Open Fire by @slytherco (hp: drarry, E, 38k, @hd-wireless) - canon divergence of what would happen if the war didn't end after Battle of Hogwarts, written in a perfect Tarantino vibe that left me shook a lot and in the best way possible! Ola's worldbuilding here is phenomenal and it also has one of the most steamy shaving scenes you will ever read, trust me.

Romp and Circumstance by @wolfpants (hp: drarry, E, 35k, @hp-bodiceripper) - so it's basically canon hp world but set in a Regency Era? How brilliant is that?? All the Mr-s added before their surnames created such insane tension I could YELL and it was hot AF and so full of pining and jealousy and denial and truly stellar descriptions of era's outfits.

The Inconvenient Death(s) of Harry Potter by [anonymous] (hp: drarry, E, 33k, @hd-erised) - my Erised gift from this year and I'm ITCHING to know who wrote it so I can shower them in love sdfghjkl But believe me when I say it's here without bias, as it's a perfect mix of hilarious and hot and did I mention it's a time loop fic? It features, among other brilliant things, dramatic Draco being frustrated about Harry's choices of running attire, a serial cat rescuer Harry and Tommy the Swan - tell me you're not intrigued!!

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (hp: drarry, M, 14k, @hp-bodiceripper) - ok, first of all: Draco here dresses like Indiana Jones and I'm still not over it and it's been MONTHS. It's an epistolary fake dating fic written in Tee's signature gorgeous prose with brill characterisations and captivating magical theory and I hope I can squeeze some re-read time in 2023 as I very much itch to get back to this one.

The Final Case of Auror H.J. Potter by @pennygalleon (hp: drarry, E, 14k, @harrydracobang) - Penny wrote this fic based on my art during the Reverse BB and I don't think I'll ever be chill about it? Harry's self-discovery here is handled in such a good way, the pining is stellar and it's funny and hot and hilarious AND has Penny's signature drarry banter that never fails to make me grin!!

facedown on my bed (thinking of you) by @onbeinganangel (hp: drarry, M, 10k) - to quote Mari's own words: "Canon remains canon but Hogwarts is an all girls school". And it's such a BRILL idea I could scream about it nonstop!! Their characterisations are so stellar here and they were roommates and had such perfect dynamic and the pining was through the roof!! I had no idea how much I needed a fem!au drarry before I have read this fic tbh and it was everything I could have hoped for in that regard.

😍 Favourite New-to-Me Fics 😍

Impatient to Be Free by @idiopath-fic-smile (les mis: ExR, M, 19k, 2020) - so it's an 1950s les amis lesbian au and I actually don't think you need to be familiar with les mis fandom to appreciate this story? The research done here is honestly insane, the dynamics between two main characters are truly stellar and I could cry over the beauty of author's writing style!! I cannot believe it took me two years to get around to read this gem of a story but I will make up for it by reccing it at every given opportunity sdfghjk

🃏 Wildcards 🃏

steve harrington's six-step guide to getting the guy. by @metaldeads (stranger things: steddie, T, 34k) - steddie is the very first Stranger Things pairing I ever felt the need to read fics about and this one not only fixes what canon ruined in such a gorg way, but also spoils the reader with such perfect characterisations of its characters (not only Steve and Eddie!!) you will actually feel like you're watching a special episode of the series (only better tbh). It was funny and touching and so full of yearning omg!!

elegantly bound by @alchemistc (ofmd: steddy hands, M, 25k) - what kind of Karol's rec list would it be if there wasn't at least one poly ship here? I haven't expected to fell in love with Izzy as much as I did and even more so that I'll be so in love with the idea of him with Ed and Stede... And this fic not only caters to everything I love about their triad, it makes sure to give Izzy some extra backstory (and as a bonus some Black Sails refs!!!!) but it also develops the feelings between all three of them SO WELL! Author takes their time and makes sure they all can get some proper dynamics development: in pairs and all together which I love BEST in poly fics!!

Familiar as a Bottle and a Glass by @queeniegalore (CoD MW2: ghostsoap, E, 12k) - I'm ending 2022 with a very unexpected OTP (and I haven't even played any CoD game, what happened asdfghjkhgfgh) but I'm honestly so obsessed like I wasn't in a very long time!! And THIS FIC, oh my, when I tell you it has the most brilliant pacing of going from UST to RST I have ever read I'm not even being dramatic, it's SO GOOD. The tension here is insane and the dialogues are actual gold of a prose!!

Since I already went way over the og number of mentioned fics and I know a lot of you have already been tagged by others - let's say everyone tagged in this post may consider themselves tagged to share their own favs too. I'm also leaving an open invitation for anyone else who'd like to join - please tag me, so I can see your lists!